A glimpse of Lady Divine's world...

A pleasant chat

2012-01-27T12:47:00.001+05:30

During the X'mas week, we were invited to lunch by one of my dad's best friends..... and we went for it..

At that lunch, I had the pleasure of meeting one of my dad's lecturers..... who remembered my dad very well.. and kept talking about him, the things he used to do... and I couldn't help but wish I had the chance to hear all this from my dad himself....

I now know where I get the mischievous/naughty nature/side from... =) My mum was also telling me lots of stories about the things he had done when he was in Uni..... and man, I couldn't stop laughing...

So yea... those conversations re-played in my mind this morning.... and it felt nice...

Have a great weekend Y'all!

It's nice when....

2012-01-20T15:39:00.002+05:30

- you're craving for chocolates and someone buys you a chocolate brownie out of the blue and gives it to you..

- DQ buys long yummy bananas and Galaxy chocolates and shares them with me in office..

- you come to that point where you know you're REALLY over something you were struggling to shake off and move on.... and it's not going to haunt you again.. it's an amazing feeling..

- you meet up with people after a long time and have lots of catching up to do...

- you take a risk you've never dreamt of taking in your life.... but not nice when you wonder what the outcome would be..

- you go home after a long day at work to find a really yummy-licious dinner kept just for you..

- you go with a friend to a dentist coz he has a tooth problem, and as you try to remain sane with the boredom that eats you up, a little girl sits next to you and starts talking to you, reads the paper to you and does all sorts of funny sweet girly things....

- you speak to a colleague who's had a bad day... and let them open up to you and you tell them how to go about things... and then hear that person say 'thank you so much.... I didn't have anyone to talk to today...'

- you take part in the baila dancing competition at the office party for fun... and end up winning it!

- you're made to feel appreciated.....for all the work you do.

Giggles..

2012-01-14T18:33:00.003+05:30

You know how chocolates and sweets make me sugar high right? Well, aleast you've read about it...

A couple of days ago, I bought 2 packs of cream biscuits, made a little milk, crushed the biscuits and mixed both and ate.... then had a slice of ribbon cake with marzipan from Hilton and I was over the moon...

I was giggling uncontrollably at everything...

I felt good!

Then the big boss walked over to our area and talked to me... I giggled at everything she said...

She gave me a weird look... and continued talking, while I giggled...

Then she asked 'why are you so ticklish today?'

At this point, I decided to tell her I was high on sweets... at this she smiled... and shared with me the love she too has for marzipan....

I'm in the mood to get sugar high again.. Come to think of it, been doing it a lot lately... must cut down.

I think..... ;)

I giggle, giggle and giggle uncontrollably.. and my own giggles make me giggle even more....

Does that sound weird? :D

The return of...

2012-01-10T20:54:00.001+05:30

LD... :-) (I had the song Return of the mack running in my head.. sowie..)

First of all, better late than never, HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL! I hope it'll be a fabulous one for each and everyone of you! :-)

So how has everyone been while I was away? For those of you who really cared and kept bugging me to blog again via texts/mails/comments - thank you so much... and for those of you who kept checking up on me and threatening me to come back, it felt nice.. really. But I really needed to get away and that break really did help me....

I'm feeling much much better now... and LD is back in full swing... well, sort of I guess.:)

The greatest news that I must share is that the management confirmed me and DQ on the 2nd of Jan... which was just 4.5 months after having worked here in the new place... they said they were really happy and didn't want to wait till the 6 months were over... and that just felt AWESOME! :-)

Life's been good... going on... I will blog on and off whenever time permits.... and I'm sure I'll have stories to tell.. as always..:)

But do fill me in on what I've missed till then! :-)

The question is....

2011-11-10T22:46:00.001+05:30

.... to leave or take a break.

I've been contemplating this for a while. Following recent events and how they seem to affect me, in ways I didn't imagine, I've actually been thinking of taking a break first to see if I can do something to help myself out and to clear it up. Matters of the heart and mind that is...

I've come to realise some things... and though some things are a pain, I try to see the goodness involved in them and yet, somehow the goodness or good intentions behind them seem to get drowned for some reason(s). Yes, I know you won't understand this without being savvy to the context in which I write and I'm sorry, I'm not going to mention it.

I'll be around though, reading most of the blogs I usually read. I just won't be writing any posts for a while, till I figure out whether to stop this or keep going. I'm also afraid of attracting or being attracted to things later on that could end up in a negative line again.

It's rather pathetic really, when I see the amount of unpublished sad posts that have been lingering in my posts section which I finally managed to delete. I don't want to write them, yet they're what freely flow these days.

So, until I figure things out or till time makes things easier, I'm going to move away for a while....

I'll dearly miss all of you... really...

Maybe I'll be back, sooner. Who knows...

Just be good, be happy and take care. :)

Luv,
LD.

Random Memories 8

2011-11-10T10:00:00.003+05:30

- There was a time where under my father's orders, I had to make tea for everyone in the evening, every single day. At about the age of 9 or so, when we came to SL, I once made tea for everyone. There were some people from my dad's hometown as well. For some reason, the tea didn't turn out great and everyone complained and broke my heart saying it was bad... except my dad, who loved a good cup of plain tea and somehow managed to gulp the entire cup I gave him and never said anything. He's the only one who managed to finish it though it tasted really really bad.

- The first time I tried to make coconut sambol, I wasn't sure of what spices to use. My brother and I got innovative (since mum wasn't at home either) and used just about all the spices we could find. We were pretty young at that time.... and it came out nice I must say. When my mum tried it, she said it was ok... and when she heard about all the spices that went it, she nearly choked laughing.

- When I was young, I was supposed to have been one helluva chatterbox and had a thing for white men & air hosts. My mum used to say that it was a nightmare when we use to fly down to SL for holidays coz from the age of 2 or 3 onwards, I apparently had a way of wondering around in the plane and finding my way to strange white men and start jabbering in English. Whatever English I knew that is. One guy had been so impressed and had liked me so much that he had taken photos of me with air hosts and all and had taken our postal address and actually sent them!

- Somewhere around the age of 7ish maybe, I had been in the car with my family and a few family friends when I read the sign "To let" with a number and this was hanging from a building balcony. I had loudly asked my mum why people put up phone numbers of toilets like that. Everyone laughed so much and later my mum explained that it was 'to let' and also explained what it meant. I wanted to die at that moment for not reading it properly.

- At one point, I made a huge protest at home and cried coz I didn't like my name and wanted to change it to an English name. My parents laughed and asked me what my pick was and that I would have to wait till I'm 18 to do that. I can't remember what I picked and I would've been about 8 yrs old at that time.

- The first time I obtained sil was with my grandmother and brother. It was a nice experience. I was schooling at that time and I still remember my brother kept having trouble with his sweet white sarong that I had to fix it for him on countless occassions. I've only obtained sil about 3 or 4 times in my life, which is kinda sad... but atleast there's a start. Now it's a matter of continuing it somehow.

- When my brother was about 2-3 yrs in age, he always wanted what I had. So whenever I had pigtails or a funny looking fountain tail on top, he wanted one too. So my mum would somehow manage to tie a bit of his hair and there are a few photographs where the two of us are with fountain looking hair tied on our heads.

A touching song.....

2011-11-09T09:15:00.000+05:30

Just came across this..... and couldn't stop tearing when I heard it...

I really really really miss him.... it just gets harder at times...

Sweet Surprise

2011-11-08T16:25:00.000+05:30

I’ve mentioned that I got a tough client who’s had a not sogreat relationship with the agency and I along with DQ were asked to changethat. That was our challenge. I've mentioned it here.

We worked on a big campaign for them, for which I voiced theradio commercial, and for this I’m being bugged big time…. And they loved it, theclient that is.

While being lost in a busy day of work, when I felt like Iwas falling into a shitty mood, it suddenly brightened.

For the first time ever, the client sent a cake from Hiltonaddressing it to me and my team.

I couldn’t believe it at first, so was seated trying tofigure it out… and then went out to meet the client who physically made aneffort to come and deliver the cake to me with a lovely note.

I can’t believe it. I didn’t think I made such a differencealong with my team ofcourse. It just felt awesome…. I never thought thingswould turn around so soon either…

Bosses are pleased and impressed and are congratulating me… theteam ensured that the cake was finished within a time span on 3 mins of havingcut it into pieces…

I’m told one boss is highly jealous coz it was addressed tome….. :-)

I’m reminded that good things happen…. And hard work paysoff….

I’m happy for the moment…. And feeling appreciated.

Oh what a feeling!

I’ve received cake before, but facing a challenge like thisone and getting one so fast, is a first.

Seen and heard!

2011-11-07T16:52:00.001+05:30

A few years ago, while studying for my degree, I was interningat a multinational company.

We had a huge promotion which included TV airing of same. Itwas a half an hour programme which ran once a week for a few weeks. My boss wasundergoing surgery at that time and tied with other work so I had to be theface from Marketing! :-) It was excitingand that was when I was on TV.

Then today, I had to voice a radio commercial for a client,simply coz the client wanted me to. So a colleague and I voiced it where I did thebeginning bit and he did the announcer part of it. Twas fun and the commercialstarts airing tomorrow on 2 stations. Don’t ask me what!! My part was kindafunny…

The client kept saying my voice was nice and that mine wasthe best part of the commercial. I felt weird listening to it and he kept grinning the whole time….

Oh well, I’ve been seen.. and now will be heard…. :-)

Tittle tattle

2011-11-06T17:44:00.002+05:30

I've mentioned somewhere that a cousin of mine's getting married next month. My mum is super excited coz she's the one who proposed my cousin to one of her friend's daughter and now it's going through. :)

So we went saree shopping and the objective of the spree was for me to get a saree as I'm the one tight for time. So after painful hours of shopping I finally found 'the one'. It was gorgeous! Came with a heavy work and that's also the day that I realised that sarees have taken a turn in the fashion world too. You now get pleated sarees, also known as skirt sarees where the pleats in front are already stiched to a flairy skirt thing and there's no hassle of setting pleats anymore!!! oh joy!!

After buying it I realised that the price tag was extremely heavy too and I could've bought more than one saree. But then again, it was 'the one' remember? So I'm trying not to think too much about it.

Another thing that I can't quite get outta my mind is one saree shop that was called 'Saree Museum'. I laughed and my mum was wondering if I was alright.

Then, a few days later, my mum had gone saree shopping for herself and bought a similar colour to mine!! we're both in love with purple and her's is about a shade darker than mine. When I pointed this out, she kept saying that hers was much more darker than mine, which is untrue.

I've already made a mental note to stay as far away from her as possible at the wedding coz otherwise it's going to look really funny when we're both in similar colours! Man, the things that happen to me.

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I got the roots of my hair rebonded for like the millionth time y-day. So I've successfully managed to get my brother to wash the car as I blog coz I cannot take a chance of wetting my hair for the next 2 days. It's a painful drill but the outcome is so sexy... later on...:)

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Last night, while I was watching The Vampire Diaries, my mum suddenly screamed my name from downstairs... I panicked and ran down only to find that she was watching Derana little star and was trying to vote via text and realised that she didn't know how to key in numbers to text messages.

I wasn't sure whether to be furious or laugh. I taught her and went back to my vampire world drooling over Damon....

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I had the pleasure of talking to RD for a few minutes last night. He has been down for a week and was leaving today. I must say that he sounds a lot younger that I expected him to sound and he has a nice British accent. :). At one point we told eachother that it felt weird to be talking to eachother, especially after having known eachother through our blogs for a long time. :)

RD, it was absolutely lovely to have gotten the chance to speak to you, atleast for a few mins. :)

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My mum has rescued a tiny kitten from the road. The kitten is now near our front door being fed and looked after by my mother. I don't understand the world sometimes. My mum used to hate cats and now, she's actually caring for one. But I need to find her a home as my mum isn't too keen on keeping her.

Kitty loves to hide under Mandy (car) which is really dangerous. So mum usually keeps an eye out especially when I take the car out and in. She is being well fed and looked at every few minutes by my mother and I'm really happy about it. Perhaps, it's coz she's seen me do it and feels compassion for animals now.

Tough Lives

2011-11-04T13:23:00.000+05:30

I went for a radio ad production today. While waiting forthe voicing artist to come, I was just sitting in the reception area with mycreative guy lazily sipping a yummy cup of tea while being engaged inconversation with him.

An old guy came, about 65 or so years in age and sat next tome. When he met whoever he came to meet, I heard the conversation they had. Olduncle was a broker of sorts. He had come with a deal and was discussing it.

He was drenched in sweat, very polite and spoke well. Hedidn’t seem to be the greedy terrible type of broker that you generally tend tocome across. Then again, we can never judge a book by its cover so I’m justsaying what I feel.

Somehow something about him just broke whatever was left ofmy heart. I mean, at his age he still has to work so hard to earn a living. He’sthe sort where when you look at him, you can say he’s genuine and has it tough.

I just wish the world was different.

I also hate being so soft and so emotional. I hate this… Itbrings my world down when I see things like this and makes me feel jaded andhelpless.

Then it made me remember stories that my parents used totell me about their childhood and growing years. How tough it was for them. Iknow my dad had it really tough coz he came from a family of 5 kids and his daddied when he was schooling if I’m not mistaken. He was the 3^rd childof the family and his mother had to support 6 people including herself with hersalary.

But out of 5 kids, only 2 are well educated. The eldest andmy dad. It was 4 boys and 1 girl. Listening to what they had to go through toget to where they are/were now is an amazing story. Makes us realize how luckywe’re and how thankful we really need to be. My dad did have a way of teachingmy bro and me about valuing things in life. The fact that nothing comes easyand we didn’t have it that easy either coz we were taught that way. We alwayshad to work hard to get what we want and my dad had a way of teaching andgetting us used to it from our younger days, which I hated at that time and nowam thankful for the lessons learnt.

My dad's dad was a school principal and his kids were monsters when they were young. Just listening to the punishments they got as kids are so frightening that one can get goosebumps and have traumatizing thoughts running in the head.

My mum didn’t really have it that easy either. But whencomparing the two, my dad’s life has been the more difficult one.

So yes, we all have a story to tell. Some nice, some not so.Many lessons are learnt and life goes on.

I need to get out of this mood!

Dudette, what’s wrong with you? (2)

2011-11-03T15:20:00.002+05:30

Little things tend to upset me. Yes, sadly I’m the sensitivesort, though I really wish I wasn’t. Little nice things make me happy beyondwords too, which is pretty cool. :)

I don’t like it when someone arranges my room, workstationetc.. I want things to be kept the way I leave them coz then I know whereexactly to find things that I need. If my mess is cleared, I get unbelievablyannoyed. It doesn’t go away until I see that everything is there and Ire-arrange things the way I want them to be.

Sad movies and books do knock me out of my mood for a whileand make me teary eyed.

I talk to myself. A lot. Everytime I go to pee I end uptalking to myself, either in my head or in soft whispers. I sometimes wonderwhether I’ll end up with split personalities at a later age. Then I realized Igot this from my mum coz she does it too, the talking to self thing.Weird.

I appreciate a good sense of humour in people. Laughtermakes life good and makes one feel happy.

I always wonder why I only see good people suffering so muchon this earth. Not fair, so why? Ofcourse, there is always the ‘unknown’ in aperson’s life too I suppose.

Underneath the character that likes to have fun, is also asomewhat religious person. I’m sad I never got the chance to go to Sundayschool and learn religion like most others did. But reading and gainingknowledge and practicing religion in whatever ways I can is always a goodfeeling. Gives me peace of mind and teachings that I read do help sometimeswith life. Correction, it’s not a religion but a philosophy. :)

I must stop now as I've a lot of work to finish up....

Perhaps part 3 should follow? Let see...

68

2011-11-02T13:22:00.001+05:30

I met up with D girl for some catching up last night and hada blast of a time, as always. We can laugh like two crazy people and departwith the feeling of having had the best time ever.

So she told me this story that happened between a friend ofhers and a guy she’s seeing.

Here’s how it goes:

Guy : So, do you know what 69 is?

Girl : Yes I do. But do you know what 68 is?

Guy : nope, what is it?

Girl : well, you give me a 68 now and the balance 1 from mewill come later on another day to make it 69.

Lol. That was coolly played I think!

How to love

2011-10-31T15:06:00.001+05:30

Heard 'How to love' by Lil Wayne?

Now listen to Ashanthi's version. I keep listening to this on repeat. It's just amazing!!! And such a touching song too..

Splendid Saturday

2011-10-30T10:13:00.002+05:30

Last evening was my brother's graduation. I've never seen my mother so excited before. Seriously.

So in the morning as I woke up, I was asked to pick out his shirt and tie and helped him with whatever he needed help with. Then we were told that a bunch of his batchmates were coming home to gang up and go together.

So while all the other drama was going on, I sat down to watch the latest episodes of Grey's Anatomy & Vampire Diaries. Now my clothes were all sorted. I had to get into a bit of a dressy saree as I had to run for a wedding straight after the convocation coz my friend doesn't have many friends and she did say that she will 'kill me' if I didn't turn up. So I had to go.

Now in the middle of watching my TV series, I was asked to tie my brother's tie. I must say it's very embarrassing that no one at home knew to tie a tie other than me! I can't remember if my dad knew though.. but how I learnt it was from a friend when I was in school abroad.

So as I started to tie it, I suddenly realised that I hadn't done it for a long time, and just to be sure, I actually checked out a video on youtube! I can't believe me sometimes.

The video was taking a long time to load so I watched the first bit and then remembered the sequence and went on and tied the tie.

When the friends had arrived, my brother kept coming up and giving me one tie at a time coz non of them knew to tie a tie either! So there I was, sitting and watching Grey's Anatomy and tying ties and sending them downstairs. The one that stays edged in my mind is this dark blue tie that belonged to one of the boys with bright red spots on it. Looked really weird. Made me think of alien diseases...... maybe coz I watched Green Lantern last week.

So once all that was over and the boys had left, my mother started running around, screaming at me every 5 mins and acting as if she was the one graduating and was getting late to go.

Usually she's the one who drapes the saree for me and in the excitement, she had got dressed and totally forgot me! She walked into my room all dressed up and when she saw me in my home clothes she went 'ah'.. I told her I can do it myself.

But NO,she had to inspect coz according to her, if she's around, no one can do it as well as she does. Sigh, mothers.

So for the first time, I did it myself and it came out all right. Except for the fact that my pleats in front were too long and I kept stepping on them. But this still wasn't good enough for her. She had to pull and pin here and there.

Anyhoo, when we were on the way, she kept screaming at me saying we were late when we were not and that it was all my fault. Come on, there's only so much I can take! But I still kept quiet and let her say whatever she wanted to say and realised that it's the excitement that's doing all this to her.

It was raining heavily and I had to park a mile away and suffer.

So we went, sat for painful hours as speeches were given, awards were given and photos were taken. Good thing a family friend's daughter of 19 yrs was sitting next to me and we kept eachother company. These girl are seriously crazy I tell ya. Man the things we talked about. But it was really fun.

So once it was all done, I went for the wedding and left my uncle to figure out transport arrangements for everyone to get back home.

Now I was told 2 guys I know will be there at the wedding but one hadn't turned up and the other was lost in the crowd and I did not have his number. I really didn't want to go coz I didn't know anyone else but since I knew her parents well and we've been close, I had no choice but to go.

So as I entered, the speeches were being given by the groom, friends etc... So I sat at the table closest to the entrance which had empty seats and a bunch of guys. As I sat watching and listening to the speeches being given, someone called my name from behind me. Oh joy! there was a batchmate! Man, how relieved and awesome I felt is inexplicable.

So we chatted for a long time and then he started introducing the guys at the table. By this time, some of them had already talked to me asking who I was and blah blah blah...

At our table was also the Mayor of Beruwala! cool noh? ;) I knew this from my friend, who also told me what his life is like and how his younger days were. So by now, I know quite a bit about him. :)

Anyhoo, it went ok and I left early. Disappointment is that the food at Cinnamon Grand wasn't so great for some reason. Variety was good but quality and taste was not upto the standard it's been and it's expected to be. Even the chocolate and white mousse wasn't great!

This was by far one of the most glamours and most spent weddings I'd been to. My friend and I (out of boredom) made a rough calculation of how much it all would've costed and realised that they could've had a smaller, nicer wedding and actually built a house or two for the homeless. Just the way I think.

Guess we all don't think the same way. To each his own. But it was nicely done I must say.

Ah Sunday, pls go slowly. I don't want this to end, considering that the weather is lovely... and my feet hurt so much from the heels/shoes I wore and walked in yday... They will now be in the 'to be put away' list.

Jumbled

2011-10-28T09:38:00.002+05:30

Those deep

Misleading eyes

Keep

Appearing in

My mind

Uncertain times

When all

Need is

To get

Away

So bad.

How do

You tell

Your

Heart and soul

Not to

Feel

What it

Feels so

Strong

For someone

Who doesn’t

Want

What flows

From you

Strong & true.

I wish

It was

Just

A dream

What Have

Done to

Feel this

Way.

A risk

Should not

Feel

So bad

Am I

Weak

Or am

I holding

Too

Tight to

Something

That’s as

Good as

Unreal dream.

How does

One lie

one’s Inner self

And say

was only a

Passing cloud

Only

a midnight dream?

It's

a play

with

a sad ending

that needs

the

curtains to

be drawn

now.

Challenge

2011-10-27T10:25:00.001+05:30

I've been wanting to join a gym for a while now and finally signed up two days ago with 4 guys from office. When I told my mum about it, she thought it was great to have company while working out coz it'll be fun too.

Last night I had a great 1st workout with 2 of the guys and it felt goooooood!

I needed a challenge, something to do and work on. So I decided, I'm going to fight with my hormones/genes. :) This is going to be tough but fun. I've mentioned this here.

There was a time a few years ago, say around 6 years ago, I used to gym 3 hrs a day for about 4-5 days a week. Went on a very strict diet and since I was on a 3 month vacation at that time, it worked perfectly well. It actually worked! I still can't believe the clothes sizes I wore at that time! Then when I didn't keep up due to studies, I started to put on again.

This time, I'm determined to go through that again. To lose weight, tone up and look all sexy again. Correction - sexier. ;)

The gym instructor is a well built ok looking guy. Very friendly. He's made me his challenge. So I warned him about my past and what weight loss is like for me. He grew very quiet and said he's still determined to make me lose weight. =)

There was one instance where he saw me chewing sugar free gum and asked me what the hell I was munching away... When I said it was gum, he gave me this weird look which said something like 'you naughty girl.'

So yes, it's all good. Feels good. Lets see how far we go.

Hormones, genes and whatever else - bring it on! LD is in fight mode.

I've also started taking a meal replacement at night and what I really can't handle is my mum going at me non-stop coz she thinks I'm going to be weak and all that. She has so many things to say and honestly, I don't know where some of these ladies actually get all their information from. Wait, then again, I really don't want to know.

I didn't see any great eye-candy at the gym though. Some of the chicks were hot. Lets see what the men are like. ;)

I still remember, the last gym I went to in 2009-2010, there was a guy running on the treadmill next to me one day. We had small talk and he told me to just tone up and not lose much weight. He specifically told me not to lose much from my butt coz it looked bountiful! I felt so weird when I heard it that I switched to another machine.

When I shared this story with some friends over drinks, one friend asked if that guy thought my ass was some sort of harvest to describe it to be bountiful.

Funny thing is, the instructor made us do some weights as well yday. I'm fine, except after coming to work I can feel my arms going a little stiff and I'm beginning to feel a wee bit of pain. But it should all be ok..:)

Anyhoo, wish me strength to go through this! =)

Another mummy story

2011-10-26T09:48:00.001+05:30

A few days ago, when I went home after work, my mumexcitedly told me that she had a really boring day and so took her phone andlearnt how to type and send text messages ON HER OWN. Those words in caps werehighlighted a few times in her speech.

So I congratulated her. Then she started sending me messagesif I didn’t answer her calls due to work, meetings etc..

One of the messages asked what time I was coming home. Italso had the word ‘Duwa’ in it and she usually never calls me that. It’susually by my notorious pet name which even the monks, neighbours…etc use tocall me by.

Talking about my pet name, I just remembered a true story.Loooooooong ago when I was about 12 or 13 yrs of age, I went to a friend’s b’dayparty. Suddenly I heard my friend’s mum calling out my pet name and I waswondering how she knew it.

So I went upto her and asked her why she was looking for me.Then she looked at me and said, “no darling, I was calling out for the dog. Ican’t seem to find her”.

The dog was a Pomeranian and had my pet name.

I can’t quite imagine what I felt when I heard that. Iwalked out and never smiled for the restof the day. To make it worst, I told my home folks and they laughed at it. That didn't help either.

Ok, so coming back to my mum - then the text messages weremore like love letters to a daughter who lives far far away. They addressed meas ‘hi Duwa’ or Dear LD (pet name) and then the message would follow and shewould sign it off too..

Really funny I must say!

Now the messages have improved. They’re short and to thepoint. No love, no addressing duwa. She learns fast I must say.

Power of voice

2011-10-25T13:37:00.000+05:30

Lets be upfront and honest about something. Some of us havea thing for voices. Esp me. I’ve one helluva thing for deep, authoritativesounding voices. The kind that makes you just melt away while you listen andmakes you really weak. What is talked doesn’t even have to make sense. You justwant to listen.

There was a time I used to go for English recordings when awell known English voicing artist used to voice some of our commercials in theearlier work place. Some of you might know him – Shirash Matchado. He used toread news on one of the local channels too I think. That man has an asset of avoice that he makes a living from it too. I would just close my eyes and listenand let the creative guy just keep making him talk….

Then when I went for a client meeting last week, my kneesfelt so weak when I heard one of the guys speak. DQ was next to me and I immediatelyturned to her and said ‘Oh man, he has a great voice!’ and all she said was ‘ohno..’.

I do have a few guy friends who have amazing voices.

Then I realized that my Rugby love Daniel Carter (yes I’m inlove with him) has a damn good voice too…. Now he’s got the total package,which is a bit too good to be true. But hey, nature does surprise us sometimes.

Here’s to voices! Great ones, that makes one’s heartflutter, ears listen, knees weak and end up with mind blowing reactions.

This also happens to be my 600th post! :-)

Dudette, what's wrong with you?

2011-10-24T09:12:00.000+05:30

I was inspired by darling Kaiser's post here and decided to do a similar one... though I know one post will not suffice.

I used to be a very strong person especially from my teen years to a few years ago. Nothing scared me other than cockroachs and spiders and other insects, reptiles. My mum used to be amazed at the guts I had and how I used to look at problems and be determined to move on and look through them. But somehow little by little it began to wither away, the strength, and I've realised that I've become such a girl and it's not cool. I'm emotionally much more vulnerable and have become so soft that it surprises me sometimes.

I have weird eating habits sometimes. I've found that chocolates give me a super sugar rush and there is a habit which I continue to ocassionally try out from my younger days. I take a whole pack of chocolate biscuits and make myself a quarter cup of warm milk. I break the biscuits and add them all to the milk, mix it till it gets thick like porridge and eat it with a spoon. The whole thing. It makes me feel sick sometimes coz it's really sweet, but I love it. Helps me with my mood swings too at times. :)

If I walk out of a supermarket and see a poor person with a kid outside, I immediately go through the things I bought to see what I can give them. If not, I would go back inside and get something to give them. The yearning in their eyes upset me otherwise and it takes time to get over it.

When I had to move on and away from someone I really cared about and did so much for and shared so much with a few years ago, I made up my mind, found ways to help myself and though I found myself in ruts of depression many a time, I somehow got moving on.... it did take 3 years till I finally felt like it was much better.. but I did it. Eventhough I asked him never to contact me, he never listened. He gave me some time and kept trying to contact me in so many ways... one message after another.. but I never responded and I never will. What's the point after moving on? After all we had to go through... Coz otherwise you allow yourself to keep fingering a painful wound. I understand there is unbearable guilt that he goes through but there's nothing I can do about it; for you will pay for your actions and not others. So this has finally settled as history.

What I really miss sometimes is the companionship.. like talking about how eachother's day was... ya di da di daa.. then I got used to not having it... and then was suddenly given a taste of it.. and now it just sucks.

I promised myself that I would never allow this to happen again... never look at a guy again with any feelings other than friendship.. but something deep in me just fought and proved me wrong... and now I find myself struggling again. What is wrong with me, I do not know....what is wrong with me to attract things like this? what is wrong with me to not have what I want? so many unanswered 'what is wrong's'...

My eyes light up and I get excited at the sight of chocolates, brownies, milkshakes, mangoosteen and yummy food. I used to not have much of an appetite for food for some reason and now it's the other way around since of late..

When a friend is in need or sad, it troubles me a lot till I find way to help him/her (if there's a way)... this goes out to the close friends.

I talk to my car, like Kaiser talks to planes. Mandy is like my best friend.. the one I know who won't leave me unless I sell her off... or something happens. Only a vehicle owner/lover will understand what it's like to love a vehicle and care for it... and talk to it too... :-)

I'm quite the emotional type. Not always healthy, but like I mentioned before, that's what I've become. But it made me realise it's also what makes me a better person sometimes and it helps relate to others too. It's like having set up a market of emotions where it's all there dangling with tags on them and people can easily hit them as they please when they walk by.... they can see it coz it's just out there... deep set feelings like love is the biggest trouble-maker as many of you would've guessed and would agree too...

I find good looking white men who are mature looking to be very hot. Add a good deep voice to the figure and I will melt onto the floor like a pool of honey or milk chocolate . :) My flirty self will emerge and will probably get all tongue twisty and all till I gain my balance in my head. ;)

I'm more of a giver than a receiver. It's usually like that and it's something I enjoy doing too.... be it for love, humanity, friends, charity etc.... that doesn't mean I don't receive.... :)

I'm the girl who sometimes wish in a very childish way that I had the power to end all suffering in this world so everyone can be happy. Esp when I see poor people, orphans, elderly people without family who can care for them etc..... I sometimes think it's really unfair that our past karma needs to visit us and make us pay in a life where we don't even know what we're suffering for. Kiddish, I know.

Something my mum first told my brother and me when our dad passed away still stays edged in my mind. She said 'the 3 of us would've sinned together in a previous life to suffer such a loss. Lets hope we live right, do good and never have to go through it again in another life." I can still feel the rivers of tears that flowed non-stop when she told us that.

I've terrible mood swings sometimes. Can you blame me, I'm a woman afterall! It can be for different reasons... what I like best is when I'm happy for no reason at all, which doesn't happen that often.

I'm the girl who has to sometimes fight with my mother just so my brother can have a life. For eg, last year or so for his b'day my uncle and aunt bought him a mo-ped. Mum never let him ride it coz she was afraid. After much screaming and explanations from me, he is now allowed to ride it for classes etc... now after letting him go a few times she's cool with it. She's so cool that my brother and I nearly choked on breakfast one morning when she asked if he could take her for a ride. Coz that would undoubtedly be the end of it. She can be funny like that sometimes. She asked if it can carry the weight of 2. In case you're wondering, no she was not taken on a ride in a mo-ped. ;)

There are times where I just want to be left alone and not disturbed for anything. I need peace.

Every time I'm ok something comes along to upset the balance. It's like we're never meant to be ok.

I think it's a sin to cage animals... esp birds and dogs.. and I hate the idea of fish being tanked away... but there's always something soothing about watching them - the fish that is. I'm told goldfish have an extremely short memory time span of a few seconds so they don't feel it. In which case it's alright.

I think a part 2 should follow as I can't seem to end it. I also realised that there's so much more to me than what I blog. Which made me realise, every person on this planet has so much about their life... and the cycle continues.

I think this post took a weird turn in the middle.

Anyhoo, have a brilliant week all!

Hello there...

2011-10-21T14:31:00.001+05:30

Driving home at 1 or 2 am after work.. with loud music forcompany.. empty roads and bright lights.. freeway to speed away… tirednesssettling in, eyelids drooping with the need to shut… a moment of peace whichwas felt was destroyed in an instant… when a little voice in my head said ‘hello loneliness’ another said ‘hey sadness’….

They never left… only choose to hide away at times… butnever leave..

Then suddenly the world was a stranger again…. A stranger Idon’t want to get to know..

Depressed thoughts of a sleep deprived, chocolate craving,tired yet alert chick coz someone said there was a cockroach near her neighbour’sseat..

…they scare me and I scare them with my screams… and my sizeI’m sure.

Sleep deprived due to the workload... funny how something always upsets my sleep time esp when this week's been a good sleep week for me.. and now it's going to go hay-wire again..

aarrgghh!

But all the hard work & stress paid off unbelievably well! :-)

Have a super weekend all!

Losing my mind

2011-10-20T18:55:00.001+05:30

It's been a really stressful and tiring day and there's more work to be done. So I don't see myself going home any time soon. This is how I planned to take a break...:)

Well, actually I walked with DQ to the waffle joint and we shared 2 huge waffles... one was bacon and cheese.. and then we had waffles with chocolate sauce... Do I really need to say how awesome I feel right now?

Now, the part about losing my mind...

In the midst of all the work, there's one brand which requires adhering to a lot of brand guidelines for every damn thing we do. I know how it is but believe me, this is an extremely unusual case.

One of the 'deadly combination of 3', well lets call him C, is the one who says the most sarcastic things ever and has an awesome sense of humour. The dry humour that first makes you realise that it was rude and then realise he was just being funny.

So at one point today, I sat next to C for a bit and said "oh man.... I hate unfinished guidelines and I think I'm going to lose my mind right now..."

He stopped working on his copywriting, turned and looked at me over his glasses and said "Well, do you have to lose it here?"

I just cracked up laughing for about 10 mins non-stop and so did he. That just cheered me up!

Ah...friends and humour! :)

The invitation

2011-10-19T18:17:00.000+05:30

I once mentioned that my uncle and aunt were moving into ahouse given to them by their office. Last Saturday night, we were invited tothe new place for dinner and we went.

Since it was my first time there, I was given a tour of theplace and they asked me what I thought as I’m usually the opinionated one andthis is something many have said varyingfrom family, to neighbours to lecturers etc… I still remember the time my MISlecturer once asked if there were any questions after a lecture and when thewhole class was silent, she called me by my surname and said ‘surely you’vesomething to say or ask? You’re a very opinionated girl and it’s nice to see theway you think”.

Anyhoo, coming back, I seem to be doing this drifting offbusiness quite a lot since of late noh?

Ok, coming back, once I gave my comments on the place, they askedme to stay with them as they’re bored (coz they don’t have kids) and the placeis too big.

I didn’t know what to say… Coz on one hand now that projectroom is almost complete and my room is clean and sort of dust free, I like it.I’ve been sleeping the last 3 days too quite well. (touch wood, gold andwhatever I can find).

They even want to give me the master bedroom and move into asmaller room if I’m willing to stay with them, atleast on weekends.

On the other hand, as much as I would like to have a change,I know it’s going to irritate me to bits. Let me tell you why:

- - My uncle is a jovial and loud person with onehell of a sense of humour. He loves to make me laugh. I might die of laughteror get asthma attacks at a stretch and then collapse.

- - He loves to feed me and my brother. He will keepbuying food all the time and then feel sad if I don’t eat.

- - I’ll have to find ways to keep them company cozthat’s why they want me in the first place. Now that doesn’t really sound likefun.

- - My aunt will keep asking me what I’m upto every15 mins.

- - I may have to watch irritating & awfulteledramas with them. Yes they’re that sort.

- -My aunt with be coming after me every 10 – 20 minswith one or more of the following:

o Abanana, pineapple slices or one of the other few fruits I eat, asking me if I’mhungry

o Sweets

o Teaor drinks

o Savorystuff and pastries

o Anyother edible thing you and I can think of

- - She will also find topics to talk about thatinterest me, only to keep me going and then turn them in a very tactical way tosomething she likes to talk about…..

- -It’ll be a bit strange coz my dad’s brothermarried my mum’s sister and these two will be exactly like living with myparents all over again. So not much of a difference. Ofcourse, my aunt is a bitmore cooler than my mum maybe coz she has no kids.. But they can both becrackpots sometimes. :)

I think I’ll end the list there. My insanity levels will behigher if I stay there. But if they force me, I’ll think about it and give it atry. Thing is, I’m afraid to give it a try as well coz if I do it once, thenthey’ll get upset if I don’t do it again.

Oh man…. Why me?

They won’t ask my bro coz he and my mum are like theinseparable duo. Though I think the poor lad deserves a break…:)

This post is after a long and awful day at work. I needed abreak and now I need to drown myself in my work again.

I know they love me loads... and in order to maintain that and leave it the way it is, I think I should indirectly decline the invitation. I sometimes wonder why people who have means are the ones to get more... In fact I was having a chat with my mum and asking why the company couldn't give the house to an employee(s) who lived far away and needed/deserved a place to stay? Or why not use the place for a good cause?

Or am I the only one who thinks that way?

oh well... I'm now trying to get rid of the mid-week blues that are eating into me...

Explode.Repeat

2011-10-18T07:29:00.000+05:30

Day turns into night
time passes by
filled with mixed
emotions on fire
thoughts that count
enliven and destroy
this fragile mind
and heart at bay.

Like a time bomb
the timer goes off
no one knows
to diffuse the bomb
every single time
I reach the peak
I self destruct
all over again.

On constant repeat
the timer goes
when will this stop
the wires unwind
a break in need
a silent cry
when will this timer
stop it's cycle.

A heartfelt Thank you....

2011-10-18T07:25:00.000+05:30

is all I can say... for this, this and this.

Girl time

2011-10-17T09:40:00.001+05:30

3 of my chick friends and I met up on Friday for a chilled out night at one of their places.

Friends will be R, A & M.

We met at M's place as her hubby had gone out of town and had the whole place to herself. I had never gone there before and so we bought stuff and went straight after work.

M's place is simply amazing. While walking through and checking the place out, I suddenly had this feeling like I wanted to get my own place and do the deco and maintain it.... Suddenly I wanted to be a woman who cleans and maintains a nice place and for a moment I was wondering how much I'm actually changing... Coz project room is happening (it's all done except I don't have sufficient funds to buy the fancy stuff) and I'm actually doing things around the house too and mum is enjoying it and what I didn't think of before and scares me is the fact that she's now thinking to herself that I'm actually ready to settle down and it's freakkkyyyy!!!

I suddenly have the urge to spend more time in the kitchen and try my hand at new things... There's a reason why I don't cook much.. or hardly.. I used to cook with my dad on weekends coz that's the time we were both free and he could get me to do things... When he was gone.... I couldn't stand the thought of cooking... it felt unbearably sad... but over the years.... though I've left it that way, now I realise it's gotten a bit easier.. and I find myself browsing recipes....cookery books and wanting to try new things.... provided time permits.. so lets see how it goes..

Anyhoo, it was a fun girls night and I had to leave early as the brother had gone to a party and needed a ride home and I had to drop some of his friends too and my mother was all alone since we were both out, so we had to rush back home as soon as we could.

But we had so much to talk and M said she had once been part of producing a documentary on prostitution and she was telling us so many stories on how women fall into this trade...

One story that really upset me is how a guy had got selected to Uni in Colombo and was from a poor family. He had got his sister down and started using her by letting his friends use her for money and that's how he made his way through Uni and got a good job. So once the sister was used the first time, she had said that she lost her dignity and value and that she continued to do it to support her brother who has now moved away and is living a good life and she continues to sell herself to make money and live life... I got goosebumps and was all teary eyed when I heard this. On one side, yes I understand that if people face really desperate moments, they may look at options like this.. But your own family doing this to you is just unbearable...

There were other women who did it behind the backs of their husbands just so the family - parents and their kids could have regular meals....

These stories really upset me and you know how you feel when you wish you could do something to stop all the suffering but you just can't do it for everyone... there's a limit to what you can do...

I also heard about how one of my friends had a really abusive boyfriend and how much shit she went through...Like even being beaten in public! Thing with girls is, they need to talk things out.. I, however, am not really the 'oh girls you need to listen to my shit' type.. I may talk if I'm high coz at times like that, emotions tend to magnify/amplify till it gets bit easier... but otherwise, I'm not much of a talker of problems. I don't know why and somehow I'm glad I'm like that.... though it may not be healthy all the time..

So then before I left that girly night, R said that M makes the most amazing pork curry ever. I don't eat much meat as I hope to be veg at some point... At home we only have chicken and seafood and that too occasionally. But if I go out, once in a while I would have other meats depending on my mood etc... So M decided to cook for me and invited us on Saturday for lunch, which I went for...

Her yellow rice and pork curry is to die for! It was simply delicious and we all had huge second servings and just sat near the garden afterwards for nearly 2 hrs before we left coz we had all eaten too much.... It was a relaxing girls day and it felt really great.

Charity & Family

2011-10-16T17:13:00.001+05:30

It's been a great weekend and details will follow in a series of posts as one cannot hold all the info...:)

My bro and some of his friends had saved money from their first salary in hope of doing a good deed. They wanted to give a meal to an orphanage and since my mother is free, they asked her to help them out.

So based on the budget, she found a boys' home that had around 30 little boys and made arrangements to give them a meal and she also arranged for the food to be catered and organised everything.

It was planned for today and the meeting point was our place. Out of 4 of bro's friends, only 3 turned up as one had sent his contribution and gone somewhere on a trip. Today is the day I realised what a chatterbox my brother is! I'm so glad that he's way different from what I had in mind..=)

So among the boys, there was only one girl and she reminded me of myself.... Usually I'm the only girl who turns up for such things with my friends... and ya di da di daaa..

So once everything was in place, and the food had come, we had invited out uncle and aunt to come too and when all had arrived, we went to the orphanage.

I didn't go to talk much with the bro's friends coz to begin with, it's non of my business and they should have a good time. But my mum was pushing me a lot telling me to talk to them and 'mingle' with them coz otherwise they'll think that I'm a sister who's way too proud.

So I turned around (annoyed) and told here that I'm a proud person and it doesn't matter what they think... (I did talk and smile with them. she just likes to push us around sometimes!).

Then she came around and told me to talk to the girl (who I had already spoken to) and she wanted me to find out if there was a possibility that she was my bro's girlfriend!

I did NOT see this coming. I nearly flipped and told her that if she was his girlfriend, then my duty is to ensure that she is kept away from her... :D

At this point, my uncle, aunt and mum cracked up laughing and I left it at that.

Yet, my mother wouldn't stop pestering me! Then when she saw me talking to the girl on and off I told her that I do not sense anything and to please leave things alone and I told her not to turn into someone like who we see in teledramas!

It's funny how she sees me with my guy friends all the time and lets me be but the moment her most beloved son is seen with a girl, she starts giving ideas for a teledrama script which I know the masses will simply love!

It was really sad though.... to see the boys... The youngest must be around 5 yrs of age and the eldest would've been about 16yrs of age. They all do their own laundry and cleaning and all that. They're well disciplined and yet the kind of lives they lead and the stories relating to their past and backgrounds are just heartbreaking... It's one of those moments where we all wonder why life is so unfair...

In the midst of all this, I fell in love with a little boy... I showed him to my mum and told her that I want to adopt him. My uncle and aunt nearly choked on whatever they were munching and my mum told the lady in charge of the place that I want to adopt a little boy and she pointed at him. Her tone had a mix of funny and sarcasm.

The lady then told me that it would be my worst nightmare come alive as he's the naughtiest and hits everyone in anyway he can and is also the one who starts most of the fights. :)

They loved the food and we were asked to dine with them, which we did. It was such a great deed and it makes me think there are young people who still think about doing good deeds with money rather than waste spending on drinks or any other celebrations....

Once lunch was over, I was talking to one of the boys who was hurriedly scanning the newspapers looking for scores of some cricket match. So we started talking about cricket and then I switched the topic to rugby and he got so excited and said there's no space for them to play rugby or even try but that he likes the game.

So yes, it was a great day. I'm glad my bro is into these things too....

Below is my little rascal, he's looks so cute with his front teeth-less smile..:) I didn't get his name though... so in my mind, I've already called him Reshan. Don't ask why, even I don't know... Just a name that popped into my head and a name I think sounds nice..

Blog-o-versary!

2011-10-12T09:05:00.002+05:30

In 2006, I first started this blog in January. Then I started blogging properly from September onwards which is after completing my degree.

So I just realised that I completed 5 yrs of blogging... damn, that feels long!

This blog is a part of me. The one place where I'm freely allowed to just be me, let my thoughts flow be it happy, sad, angry, boring thoughts, stories etc..

I've also made some good friends through this... Some who remain to be good friends and some who have moved on and away for various reasons...

There are people who have left countless nice comments asking me not to publish them. They wanted to tell me what they feel and how much they actually love the person behind the screen who writes these posts. That person and the one online are the same. There's absolutely no difference and that is something they all love.

I was honoured to once win the 'Blog of the year' award'.:)

I've received gifts from bloggers who didn't know me in real life and yet found a way to send me things through mutually known bloggers. The extent to which people have gone amazes me..

I get countless invitations to meet bloggers & readers as they feel honoured to meet me and that makes me feel like a celebrity, for what? For just living my life and sharing it online. I'm sorry for the invitations I've declined.... and I'm glad about a few that I actually took up.. and well.... that's how it goes...

There are bloggers who have been following me for years.... and there are people who are not into blogging but follow me day in and day out. I was touched when one person left a comment saying that one of the poems I had written long ago touched him and that he printed it, laminated it and kept it under the glass on his table and that he reads it every single day...

There are people I've met who read me and then made me take a step back and breathe coz they already knew me and I kept forgetting that I don't need to say anything much about me.... Like I still remember when I first met Gutterflower and went out for lunch, she saw my car and said "Oh so that's Mandy..". I had a moment where I froze coz GF knew me by reading ze blog..:)

Then we also had the famous 'Nibras Bawa' issue. The one guy or rather jerk who wanted some of us to shut our blogs down coz we were known and liked in the blogger world/Lankan community. I never gave into any of his threats and it feels good when I look back. I used to be a stronger person!

This blog is like the twin I never had... the twin I share my life with.... The one place I can truly be me... let my thoughts out... my outlet for my frustrations, sadness, happiness and more.... Its brought me peace, happiness, sadness and pain too sadly, a sense of belonging and much more....

It's becomes such a big part of me that I've gone through a few instances where I really wanted to shut this down... but something in me just wouldn't allow it... coz it'll be like shutting down the expressive part of me, permanently.

A Big heartfelt Thank You goes out, for those who have been following me, for the kindness some of you've bestowed upon LD, for the stalkers who I know love me and want to watch every step I take and every move I make...:), for the lovely people who truly care, for those of you who have made a difference in some way... and so much more...

LD is grateful, thankful and lucky to have you all in her life, virtually atleast. :-)

I'm going to stop now coz otherwise I'll just go on and on..

Thanks a heap! a million times over and over... the little things matter to me... :-)

Lately in this part of the world...

2011-10-10T09:01:00.000+05:30

- My mum has become a HUGE fan of Derana Little Star. She now knows who her favourite little ones are and since she never wants to learn the art of texting as she thinks it's too complicated, she gets my brother to send the texts on behalf of her.

- I ordered curtains for my room. Man, they're expensive!!!!! Much more expensive than the last time I checked out with my mum...

- Been chatting a lot with my cousin... God I miss the only family I can truly talk to and the one who can relate to me... and understand me...

- He has been very distant..... and different since of late.. perhaps he did not mean it when he said 'lets be great friends'...why is it always one big blow after another?..... makes her wonder why......for a lot of things......it's one after another.... and how the tiniest thing is felt in a very large way...

- So I've mentioned that I eat sweets and chocolates to experience sugar rush as it calms me, excites me and keeps me high and happy..:) I discovered that Galaxy chocolates are back in the supermarket! whoop!! and my friends in office who're the 'deadly combination of 3' love to watch me when I'm sugar high as they say that I giggle uncontrollably, laugh a lot, roll my eyes when something is said (which requires rolling of eyes) and they say I come out with the most entertaining expressions and I make them laugh with the things I say and I'm way too happy.... :-)

- My mum is the greatest emotional blackmailer of all times! I'm usually the only one who has to go through it.... and never the brother as he's the sweet mummy's boy. sigh... is there any hope of peace at any time, I wonder....

- What's with this weather? I want it to rain and for the weather to be nice and cool..... so badly!

- So on the workfront, I was given one of the toughest clients to handle as the track record between agency and client hadn't been great and they wanted me to take the entire workload on and see if I could make a difference, based on what they've heard about me. I must say, they're indeed TOUGH to handle and so arrogant and all that.. I don't really have to say how most clients are... But I think I do make a difference. It felt good when one of the client team members called and mailed to say that he's remarkably impressed with the way I work and that he's thankful and pleased and also that he's going to spread the word with people in the other channels/divisions too. It felt really good to hear it! :-)

- My tattoo & Thrada's tats got photographed by a friend for a photography contest! That's also the day I realised Thrada has about 5 tattoos and plans to get more!! I must confess, I've been thinking of another one.. a sexy one... but No.... I must not give into temptation like I always do.. No no no no no..... Once forgiven twice killed is probably my mum's motto... *shudder*

-I once overheard the receptionist talk about me to some people in office....

She said I was very sweet.... and that I never lose my temper ( if only she knew!) and that I'm a really nice person... and the talk about me ended with her saying "hebei eyage sinhala poddak upset"... (but her sinhala isn't great).

I mean, what the hell??? It's not upset!!!! I talk fine!!!! grr!
She also annoys me way too much and I've actually said rude things to her on 2 occasions. Yet, she doesn't seem to get it! Someday, soon, someone's going to have to save me from her.... seriously.

- Things colleagues have said in the last fewdays

Adoh! You’ve one hell of a sexy voice woman.
It’s amusing to watch your expressions sometimes– especially the way you flutter your eyelids and then roll your eyes.. and theway you grind your teeth and then grin.. etc etc…
She is hereby known as 'Naughty LD'. This name was given to me by the rest of the 'deadly combination of 3' and they call themselves 'Ahinsaka' (innocent). :-) heh. ya right!

Jack Kukula

2011-10-07T09:32:00.000+05:30

Thrada - my colleague once told me a story during a smoke break some time ago.

He has a friend who's notoriously known as Jack Kukula. This is how the story goes - for the name.

Once a bunch of friends were all ready to go on a trip in a van and they had taken a live hen who would end up being their dinner/bite at their destination.

One guy was really drunk and so decided to sit in the back seat and sleep during the journey.

On the way, the hen, which was under the back seat had been clucking away. The drunk dude had screamed at the hen a few times asking it to shut up and told the guys that he will kill it if it doesn't stop clucking.

After a while, this guy hadn't been able to bear it, that he took the jack from under the seat and had started hitting the hen.

From that day onwards.. he's called Jack kukula.

Disgusting story.... but the name was funny I thought. Also, add to it Thrada's actions and style of talking, just makes it funnier.

Project - Room

2011-10-06T09:28:00.001+05:30

Since my mind needs to be occupied, I thought I need to lookat changes I need to do, and I thought of my room.

I’m generally not much of a deco person… the only time I didget involved was to help my mother with her re-decoration of the living areadownstairs about an year or so ago and let her handle the garden by herself.She liked the modern yet homely touch I wanted to bring in and though she wasn’t100% into it, now when people compliment on what a nice job she’s done, itmakes her happy.

I think I’ve got a bit of that in me now..

So, I’m going to re-do my room.

My room & my bro’s room is really small, compared to theother rooms in the house. My mum’s room – the master bed room is the biggest.In fact on countless occasions she did tell me to take her room and though Ireally wanted to, I didn’t feel good giving her my small room so told her Ididn’t need it.

My room walls are in alternative sections of pink and cream.It might sound strange but it looks good and the painter liked my colourselections for the house when we were getting it painted. So I’m not going toget it re-painted coz frankly I can’t go through that mess again and I like thewalls they way they’re right now.

I’m going to throw out my 2 cupboards. Maybe I’ll give themto a deserving family as they can be used and we really don’t have any space tokeep them. I ordered a big new wardrobe and a nice dressing table which can holdall my stuff. They should be delivered in about a week or so…

I got a bigger shoe rack to keep all my foot-ware as half ofthem were all over the place and I want to see clean space in my room.

I’m going to re-position the stuff and probably thrown out mytable too and maybe get a nice big beanbag to slump into when reading, listeningto music or sit during my countless sleepless nights. Should see if apurple/violet one would be nice, and if I can find one...

Then as I go along, I’ll get more things to add… and I wanta nice abstract painting or two as well to hang on the walls…

I plan to get new curtains too and when I asked my mum howmuch of material I would need, she was stunned and asked me if I was genuinelyok and that it’s very strange I’m looking into all this. Funny thing is, shedoesn’t know the measurements so will get someone to check on it and let meknow. No, not purple curtains as it wouldn’t go with the walls… I must see whatwill go best.

Then I’ll have my very own little space with my touch allthrough the way.

I’m excited. This should take about 2 weeks or so I think…

But the question is, what do I do next?

I’m really broke already. I’m so not looking forward to mycredit card bill. Then again, I never like it when it lands on my table.

Last night

2011-10-05T10:24:00.000+05:30

I met up with a friend last evening after a long time. He’san ex-colleague and a great friend. Lets call him P.

He has helped me a lot with PC, phone and other gadgetproblems. If you knew him, you would undoubtedly ask if he was gay due to hisfeminine side coming out a bit more than others but he’s not even close to it. :) He and Ihave gone lingerie shopping too, for me that is…. We would discuss about bras in the lingeriesection of clothing stores and he would ask me what ever questions he had andhe would tell me thinks he knew. In case you're wondering, NO I never tried on any and showed him to see what he thought! :)

We used to go out for occasional meetups and have Coronas orMargaritas and chit chat away. He can talk and talk for hours, where he wouldstart with one topic and go all around the world and then forget what he wastalking about in the first place.

He said that he doesn’t have a lot of close friends. Itcould be that he hasn’t made the effort to keep in touch but he once hadthought about it and felt really sad. He really likes me and we click well. Sowe hang out. He has a very possessive wife and she doesn’t like his friendsmuch but surprisingly she’s ok with him hanging out with me. Phew!

So when I asked him if he was free to meet up and catch upon things, he immediately said ‘yes yes yes’ and we met within a timespan on 30mins and we were in 2 different locations with quite a distance in between.

He then told me that he’s going to make an effort for thepeople he really cares about. He has no problem is telling me his secrets andin fact I know way too many personal things about him. It amazes me as to howmuch he trusts me and tells me things coz he knows I won’t repeat them toanyone. It touched me too.

Then when I told him what my life was like, we went down hismemory lane and he related so many stories and it felt really really reallygood.

There were some things he said which lingers on in my mind…

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. For some -Out of sight, out of mind. (strange enough, when I put the first part as astatus update, a girl replied saying the second part). :)
Feelings like love and other emotions/affectionsmakes you a prisoner. That’s why it gets difficult at times. That’s what bindsyou to what you’re feeling and it’s never easy to shake it off. How true, Ithought.
You’ll always give some things up for someonewho means a lot to you…
It’s always best to go for someone who loves youmore than someone who you love coz you always learn to love them back. When yousee and realize what they feel for you, it always makes such a huge inexplicabledifference.

And so much more….

Anyhoo, it was one of those calm nights with a good friendwhere we never ran out of topics to talk about…..

I just hope that all his future work end up being really successfuland that he gets what he deserves for the goodness he has in him. No one isperfect and he has his faults. But who are we to judge when we’re not perfectourselves.

Cheers to greatfriends!

So....

2011-10-04T10:57:00.002+05:30

It turns out that K is half Italian and half American... NO WONDER he's so cute! Since there's a chance he'll be out on Friday night, DQ plans to go with me and watch me drool and enjoy the time bugging me. She also plans to take a battalion of our colleagues for fun and play games like Scrabble while I stare, drool and flirt with Mr. Good looking. lol. ya right! like that'll all ever happen!! :)

We had a good half an hour office conversation about this last evening. It was fun!

These white men have a thing for dark skin. Which is damn cool. Then it made me remember a comment someone once left here on this post. I still wonder who it is.... the one who posted as Anonymous at the very end.

This morning I read :

~ Often the thought of pain is actually worse than the pain itself. ~

Kinda true I thought...

And then.......

I slept last night. Oh joy! I over-slept this morning and I think the universe was helping me as the clock was working but the alarm didn't go off for some weird reason... and I had to rush rush rush....

On a happy note, I'm looking forward to meeting Gutterflower in a while... :-) I must tell her the Indian accent's gotten heavier..:-) coz it really has..

How is everyone else doing?

I've also taken a liking to Ed Sheeran's music since last evening, which is when I discovered him and his music. Check my two favs below..

It's been a while...

2011-10-03T15:25:00.000+05:30

It's been a long while since he and she kept in touch. It felt longer than it actually is for some reason.

Everytime she picked the phone to text, all she wanted to say was "I really really miss you and I hope you're doing good..."

But it freezes her in her tracks. Will it annoy him? Will he say something rude? Will he ignore it? If he responds, what would he say?.... Is he ok?

An empty night sky with no stars...
A playground with no chirpy children...
A dazzling ballroom with no guests...
A cartoon with no characters...is what it feels like sometimes...so strange..

It's amazing what time can do.... in both good ways and bad...

It sucks, when only one out of 2 end up feeling this way... Now she can relate to the others who have gone through this.... you'll never really know an experience till you've gone through it yourself..

Perhaps she was nothing much to him..... is nothing much to him.... but seriously, why did it have to be her......?

She read that 'pain is inevitable. suffering is optional'. She hopes she can say this..... and mean it.... some time soon...

On a brighter note, new seasons of a lot of series are out.. Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, Fringe, Supernatural, CSI, Criminal Minds, Gossip girl.......There's something to download each day... I'm anxiously waiting for Dexter, my serial killer lover!!!!!! :-)

Note on a tissue

2011-10-01T10:29:00.000+05:30

It was a somewhat miserable Friday y-day, but the one thing I looked forward to was meeting my monthly meet-up school friends, which is always bound to be entertaining and fun.

So we met at In on the Green after a long time and were catching up....

Let me name a few friends to make my story easier :

LS - Lost soul
R - friend from school
S - R's girlfriend
F - guy from school
SS - friend
SR - guy from uni

So we were all having a great time, and it was one of those nights where we kept meeting friends we hadn't met in a long time and had a lot of catching up to do.

So in the midst of all this, my eyes rested on this awesomely cute white guy - K who was seated at the next barrel and S and I kept looking at him, giggly, sharing our thoughts with eachother, looking at him again etc...

K was with a guy and after a while, they both left. Did I already say K was cute? He had a lovely smile, gorgeous features for a guy, not too tall - maybe about 5'5 or 5'6 in height, nice build and one helluva great voice and laugh! *drooooool*

Then, my eyes rested on another white guy who was in the other section. His name was Ian. SS and SR were in that section sitting next to him and having beer. I sent SS a text and told him Ian was hawt. SS looked at me through the glass (he's very mischievous and the type to take on any dare you see) gave me a smile and started talking to Ian along with SR!

In the middle of all this, R, in his high-ness decided to make the night interesting and said that it's time we learnt from the movies and did something. So he got one of the waiters to get us a tissue with a pen and gave it to me to write a note! and then sent the waiter to check what Ian was having to drink.

I started off with a big and loud Noooooooooooooooooo but somehow they got me to write a note. I was so not creative at that moment and couldn't think of any flirty lines either! Can you believe it? Since I knew I wasn't going to see him again ever, I thought what the hell, I'll write a note and make his day.. but I couldn't think of anything interesting!

By this time, the waiter came back to say that Ian was having beer. So my note said "You've got an admirer in the house. Enjoy the beer!" and S drew a heart on it!

The funny part is, R told the waiter to give Ian the tissue with a beer and the waiter got so excited that he went and gave only the tissue and gave the beer much later!

R was furious by this time and we all cracked up laughing.

Ian was in shock. He kept reading and examining the note over and over and then shared it with his friends. The bar-tender was saying it came from a girl on the other side. But he did nothing! He just kept staring at it and smiling.

Then F joined us and we told F about what we did. He looked at me and said 'Pls LD, don't even think about it coz I know him and he's crap. so not worth it.. he doesn't even talk properly!'..

Anyhoo, SS later came upto me, with all info on Ian.. where he's from, with the fact that he's only down for a few days and all that.. I nearly slapped him saying I don't need to know anythingand that my friends & I were just bugging. Though I wasn't kidding about having a one night crush on the guy. ;)

Then later, SS told Ian that it was me who sent the note and Ian was looking through the glass till I turned and then smiled and waved at me!!!!!

I was sipping my drink at that moment and in all the excitement, I laid my drink down in a very lady like fashion and waved back, with a smile on my lips and my eyes were probably sparkling too... :)

Then I had to consciously tell myself to stop waving and when I looked at S, I told her I was hyperventilating! lol

But hold on my dearest readers, the best part is yet to come.

When we had decided to call it a night, due to my mum's unending phone calls asking "where are you and when do you plan to come home?", K walked in again with his friend!!!!!!!!

S and I were super excited, once again.

By this time, the waiter had gone to get the bill and S and I were staring at K. He had come to have a cigar with his friend and I called SS over and told him my initial eye candy target was K. He then casually walked over to K, who was at the bar and spoke to him. SS comes in very handy and is super confident and a fun guy.

My friends were pushing me to go talk to him but I didn't, obviously. Later, I walked upto the 2 of them (SS & K) to tell SS I was leaving. He then introduced me to K.

This is how it went.

SS -LD, meet K, K meet LD

K - *Shakes my hand and gets closer asking me to repeat my name.. into his ear...*

SS - he's from UK ( or was it US... I can't remember) and he's here for another 2 months and comes here a lot.

Me - oh ok...
Me - I actually came to say I'm leaving now

K - oh really? already?

Me - yea... there's always next time. :)

K - yea.. see ya around

So after saying our goodbyes, as I walked out with my friends, I burst out screaming on Galle Road and told S that I was hyperventilating again, big time. She screamed saying "Me toooo"

Oh what a night!

We also got LS to send a note with a drink to a white chick (or rather aunty with a pretty big rack). I wrote the note for him saying 'Hey Gorgeous, turn around and you'll see who. Enjoy the drink!" We sent it with a Gin and tonic as that's what she was having.

She got excited, turned around and looked at us. We pointed towards LS and said it was him. She smiled.... and smiled.... and gave the impression that she would love to start talking.. but LS just wouldn't budge! then when the moment of excitement passed, it was too late! LS is still being harassed about this by R on fb. :)

I just love my friends! A fun-filled night it was..... just what I needed.... really needed.

Looking back, it feels so childish... guess we all have a bigger child in us after all. ;)

I’m the girl….(2)

2011-09-30T09:11:00.000+05:30

I’m the girl who made a list of 20 things to do/achieve forthis year and realized that 7 have been ticked off. Better than I thought itwould be! :)

I’m the girl who finally watched Captain American with abunch of guys from office and didn’t think much of it, the movie that is…hopefully the next one will be good. Good thing we got free passes from aclient to watch it.. =) I’m also the girl who was sugar high on chocolates andclapped when Captain America was applauded for his first brave act in themovie. Then before that, when he was topless for a few moments (of pure bliss),the guys were staring at me to see how I was looking at it and to capture myreactions..:) They won’t stop talking about it.

I’m the girl who, whenever I buy a handbag or shades, theyseem to just get bigger than the previous one I had. But me like them verymuch! The bigger the better is the trend, ain’t it? ;) or.. the bigger thesexier… ;)

I’m the girl who has a thing for rally/drag racing cars and vehicles in general… Acolleague has bought a Subaru Impreza which has a super awesome bodykit andfabulous accessories etc…. Only down side is the color of the car which is alight blue and he has his name stickered on the car with his blood type! I lovecars…. Esp racing cars… I bugged him to take me on a ride… and oh man, one cannever get enough! This one however is more like a mini nightclub on wheels… :-)even the lighting, inside and out, suit that concept.

I’m the girl who keeps hearing friends say that I will be agreat mum one day. Makes me shudder and get goosebumps when I hear it. Maybeit’s the things I say, the way I deal with kids, the things I tell parents todo…. Esp with toddler development – thanks to the knowledge I gained whenhandling my previous brand. I think that brand really got me attached to it anddeveloped my maternal instincts to a great height!

I’m the girl who is not a fan of bananas. But I like thelong ones - the yummy ones. So when DQ, my overly protective, motherly,stalkerish and lovable friend does random supermarket visits, she remembers mewhen she sees the long bananas and gets me one, with much love. :)

I’m the girl who’s been lying to herself…. I think I’m okbut I’m just not.. get out of it LD! Get out naaaaoooowwww!! Sigh. It's also like a constant reminder that I keep missing out which is not to get close to people. I never get to have the people I want or need in my life... all are moved away in one way or the other... it happens all the time even with friends, family etc... it's just a constant reminder.. more like a slap back to my ugly reality...

TGIF! I hope I survive the weekend..... it's not been easy for a while...

Morning Story

2011-09-29T09:02:00.000+05:30

Mum : LD, if I ask you something, will you be honest with me?

Me : umm...does it require me to lie at some point? Tough question?

Mum : LD! *in a stern voice*

Me: ok,ok, what is it?

Mum : Are you sad or hurt about something? Is something bothering you?

Me : Umm.. what made you ask that? *I looked away*

Mum : I sense you're upset though you don't show it much or talk about it.

Me : Nah... nothing really.

Mum : I brought you up. I know you. Though you appear to be strong, you break down inside sometimes.

Me : I'm getting late. Can you close the gate after I leave?

Mum : Hmm.. Budu Saranai.

And she sprinkled blessed water all over Mandy like she does every morning and muttered a prayer for safety. My safety.

Then she watches me drive away, till she sees the car no more...

It saddens me when I think of how she plans out her day afterwards to keep herself occupied, to keep herself from losing her mind. My brother and I lose ourselves in the IT and corporate world... and later, she waits...eagerly... till we return home late at night..

Her request is that I watch TV with her for a while and talk to her. at night.. which I do whenever I can..

There's so much that we take for granted....

One thing for sure, we can never repay them for everything they do, for all they've done... and for all they will do.... ever..

I’m the girl…

2011-09-28T12:49:00.000+05:30

I’m the girl who has now got a healthy, or rather overlyhealthy appetite for food. So I’ve now resorted to taking health food for lunch– brown bread sandwiches. :)

I’m the girl who has taken a liking to Kelloggs Oats forbreakfast – with a bit of sugar ofcourse and skimmed milk.

I’m the girl who got a suggestion from a friend to give mycar a surname. Since it’s Mandy, suggested name was Amanda Tracy Cherry. Ithink it makes my baby sound like a tart or a prostitute. Just Mandy for mybaby is fine I think.

I’m the girl who has gone without drinks for a while now. I’mtotally fine without it! :)

I’m the girl who wants to have a Tibetan terrier.. since thebigger kinds are hard to maintain and control by myself or by my home folksright now.

I’m the girl who’s overly loaded with work! I need a breakalready…

I’m the girl who hasn’t been sleeping well the past few days…it gets painfully annoying… my mornings are not so great as a result..

I’m the girl who has been waiting to watch Captain Americafor over a week now…and eagerly waiting for Johnny English 2 to come..

I’m the girl who has a lot to say… but there’s just notenough time.

The eye doc

2011-09-27T09:42:00.002+05:30

Remember this post?

My mum usually gets all sorts of eye tests done every 4-6months and she had visited this doc last evening for same. It's to be safe and coz of her diabetes mainly.

I suddenly got a call from her around 4.30pm last evening, which wasafter her appointment and all I could hear was her laughing for a few mins andI was wondering what the hell was going on.

When she finally stopped and started talking to me, she saidthat the doc had remembered her and me and had asked her how I was and whetherI was married by now.

When she said No, he had told her that he believes in Godand had pulled out his diary and asked her to spell my name coz he was going topray for me every single day asking God to find me a good husband!

My mum and the nurse had burst into fits of laughter and thedoc had been serious. He had written my name and said he was going to pray forme.

I don’t know what kind of impression I leave with people. Idon’t talk much. I wonder what made him remember me so much. Is it the way Italk? The things I tend to say? The way I look? Something that people see in me when they come in contactwith me? My mannerism? I don’t know..

I generally get along very well with friends’ parents,friend’s better halves (boy friends, girl friends, husbands etc…) I know parentsare usually very fond of me, God in heavens knows why!

Coming back, my mum couldn’t get it out of her mind. From4.30pm last evening till now, I’ve heard this story 4 times already from her.She giggles with excitement, she’s pleased at the same time.. and then shelaughs uncontrollably.

Dear Gods and everything else about nature, thank you forthe patience you’ve given me and made me build over the years to bear this….

Mum is surprised, coz this doc gets way too many patients for a day and he still remembers me, the girl who sees him once a year.

On a note

2011-09-26T09:30:00.001+05:30

On a musical note:

My mum has a loud and high-pitch voice. She loves old music, like the ones sung by Angaline G, Latha W, Neela W etc etc....

She sings sometimes while cooking, listening to the radio or a cd, while doing household work etc... When she sings from downstairs, it can be heard all the way upstairs.. and the pitch can actually be deafening sometimes.

It's sweet really, and she's actually not bad in her singing... just that when some songs are sung on constant repeat and when it gets louder and louder, I can't help but wish the earplugs I wore for swimming hadn't expired and didn't have to be thrown away.

She has been singing a lot lately. Like EVERY single day.... morning and night... including noon on weekends...

She sings when she's happy, so I wouldn't want it to stop...
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On a fairness note:

My mum has way too much free time on her hands. I tried to encourage her to join a NGO or charity organisation and help out. Her excuse is that she falls sick often and wouldn't be able to commit to something like that. But she does do all her good deeds somehow, and lately it's been saving many cows from being slaughtered and serving food at the Cancer hospital to the patients and buying them medication that she can afford etc..

She also manages to do a heap of other things. Like try out different brands of ayurvedic beauty products, check out shopping places, babysit the neighhbours kids with delight etc..

My mum and I have had constant debates on fairness creams and the colour of my skin. So I'm dark and she's fair. What can I do if I didn't get her complexion... and she needs to accept the fact that I'm totally fine with mine!

A few days ago, she had bought a heap of ayurvedic creams from some place and when I went to the pantry to check what was there for dinner, she started telling me about them. She was very excited that she found the perfect cream for me, for the marks I've started to get on my face and neck.

I initially thought it was a result of the chocolate overdose I had but it wasn't as I stopped, so it must be something else.

Anyhoo, she gave me the cream and told me to use it once a day and went on and on about it. I generally get a lot of stuff from her but hardly use them and she ends up using them..

So before accepting it, I read the label and asked her if it was a fairness cream in a stern voice.

She said 'no no... it's not a fairness cream, it just takes away the marks'

I said in an irritated voice 'then why does it say Fairness Cream in font size 16 on the front'?

She looked puzzled and said ' oh really? show me..'

Then she took a moment to think and said 'but why don't you try it anyway and see? It might be good'

I couldn't help smiling. She hadn't planned her tactic properly in this case! :-)
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On a hip note:

I've super broad hips.. something passed onto me by my grandma. I wish I had her hair instead of her hips, but what can one do about genetic disorders eh?

There are times when my mum says that she wishes she could just slice my hips off and then she would pinch me. Later she says, the only good thing is it looks good in saree and high heels.

So the last time she did it, I just turned around and said " Oh Ammie, you're just jealous that I've hips and you don't.... "

She said that there's no way in hell she was jealous about it.

Then a little while later, she came around and asked "So does it look funny that I don't have hips?"

She's the figure conscious and health conscious type you see. So I told her I was only bugging and not having broads hips isn't a bad thing at all.

I couldn't help smiling!!! :-)

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On a realisation note:

The silence that surrounds me is overwhelming sometimes.

Listening to my own thoughts, to the echo of my own words and feeling the sadness materialise kills me over and over..

But in the midst of it all, there is one thing that I've realised, the fact that I do not regret even for a moment having taken such a risk and having to go through all this, knowing who I'm and how emotionally vulnerable I'm... I do not regret. Every little thing that happened stays edged onto me as if I were emitting and generating a magnetic field of energy.

That realisation gives me a tinge of peace. We all have our weaknesses, our fears and doubts and so much more. Who I got to know was a lovely human being through whom I saw bits and pieces of myself too, someone who knew how to make me smile and someone who had a lot of human qualities and sensitivities in him. Someone who deserves a lot and what I saw was a klutzy yet nice human being.

I do wish, many a time, and think how much I would give in to have a chance with this - whether it works out or not, for one will never know what the outcome could be, what changes could be experienced,

I never thought I'll ever be in a situation where I would emotionally fall for something like this.

Who is he and why did he cross my path?

Why am I feeling all this and let it trouble me so much?

Perhaps I'll know someday... or I won't..

Now I'm off to listen to Jimmy Cliff's "I can see clearly now".. a happy song I need to hear.

Have a great week all of you! :-)

What would you say?

2011-09-25T17:18:00.000+05:30

What do you tell a poor old lady who :

- Pours her heart out to you while holding your hand and....

- Tells you, your remind her of your father and extends her hand to feel your face..

- Then tells you she is tired of living life as she's old and sick and everyday wonders why she isn't dying yet as all she wants to do is move onto her next life... yet shudders at the thought of death.

My heart shatters at moments like this. I can give her money, I can buy her things, but I can never change the way she feels... or bear her pain for her..

Unwinding thoughts...

2011-09-23T12:43:00.002+05:30

Unspoken thoughts lie around in my head

Unwritten words latch onto this heart of mine

Untethered feelings bring me down endlessly

Uninterrupted are the moments filled with thoughts of you

Undefined are the boundaries through which this mind travels

Unliked are the dark feelings and sadness that has occurred

Unplanned was the entire sudden episode which took place

Underestimated was the effort required to deal with theseemotions

Uncried are tears which have been blocked away withdifficulty

Unpleasant are the mood swings and the misery this hasbrought

Unprepared I was, for what was building inside of me, foryou

Underway is the voice within, a silent whisper with hope,wishing things could be different

Undecided is the step to take, to help myself out of this….

Unfinished are the streams of words, thoughts and feelingswhich are flowing freely at this moment…

This and that

2011-09-22T09:15:00.000+05:30

Movies watched in the past few days - Bad Teacher, Friends with benefits, The Stoning of Soraya M, Boomerang (an old movie), Hangover 2 & Super 8.

Has anyone watched Captain America? I hope to watch it sometime. But I hear not so great reviews about it.

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Books - I'm currently reading a series by Sue Townsend - the series of Adrian Mole. It's bloody hilarious! The kind of book which adds some laughter to the end of the day when the night reading commences. I'm on the second book out of 4 already in 3 days..:) Plus I got a few books on jokes from my former boss. I really could use the humour. Most of them are sex jokes, the kind we don't see on email and are damn funny. :-)

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Whenever there are dummy shoots done for visuals, and if a car is needed, mine is the one that's always used. I don't know why. So we had one last week, and I was asked to come too as they needed a female hand with nails.

So I went. Remember the guy who calls me 'little princess'? He was supposed to be the driver and I his wife. He had to place his hand over the gear and I had to place mine hand on his. He's flirty & says vulgar things at times, not with any bad intentions though. :) He asked the photographer if his hand is the only thing I get to touch! lol

Then, later on, he had to sit in the passenger seat and feel the dashboard pretending to be the guy who bought his first car... so then he turned around and asked 'so, I only get to feel the car and not the owner?'

aaahhh.. flirty old men. so quick with their lines. :-)

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I'm a fan of Nigella Lawson. I used to try out some of her recipes and I think I've blogged about the baking I've done too. One day, I hope I can talk like her... sexy accent, the tone and the British humour.....which is entertaining. :-)

Have you seen this clip? ;) It's called Nigella Talks Dirty. Just cuts from different shows..:)

A Wish

2011-09-20T08:57:00.000+05:30

One day long long ago, when I was really really bored at home and feeling restless, I decided to let everyone at home know how I felt. I must've been about 13 yrs of age at that time. It was late at night and my dad then decided to take his favourite girl for a nice long drive,coz he was bored too.

If I remember right, I think my brother joined too. It was a nice long drive with bright city lights and clear roads. Sitting next to him in silence, cruising along felt so good. It felt safe, beautiful and carefree. It felt like I had a hero in my life who would always be there for me and every problem felt like it was nothing. It felt calming and re-assuring. How I wish I could re-live those precious moments again, to feel the warmth, love, calmness and security....

I sometimes wonder how much my mum must be missing him. Every time she dreams about him, she says it's always linked to me and happy dreams keep her smiling throughout the day.

If I had one wish, I would wish that she could have him again more than me coz in his absence, she has done more for me than anyone else and she deserves it.

I only know the pain of losing my father. I do not know the pain of losing a husband with all responsibilities falling onto me.

I do not know the pain she feels with every tear that falls from her eyes.

I do not know the fear she lives with day in and day out.

I do not know the loneliness she feels or the emptiness inside her.

I do not know how much she misses the love and care of her husband.

I just wish that in lives to come, she should never have to go through pain and loss again coz I don't think she deserves it.

May her sins perish and her merits multiply. This is the most sincere and heartfelt wish her daughter has for her.

This is my wish when I pray for her.

Another Dental Story

2011-09-19T09:56:00.004+05:30

Non of my dental experiences are pleasant ones. I’ve beenwanting to get my teeth cleaned since last week as I haven’t done it in like 2yrs! So after bugging my mum about it, we tried out a dentist who’s in my area last evening.We had to wait for over an hour and then when I finally went in, I was pleased tosee a rather nice lady dentist who was very pleasant but couldn’t speak Englishmuch.

So after telling her why I was there, she examined my teeth.I don’t know if dentists tell this to everyone, but they always tell me that Ihave good teeth (which I think is bullocks coz I’ve got 2 fillings and neverending wisdom problems) and then they say I’ve got nice teeth. I meanseriously, can’t they see that the teeth on my right side have come up instubborn ways?

Anyhoo, the thing about this dentist is that she wasextremely messy. The nurse was a total crackpot. She forgot half her duties andkept drifting off to her own version of wonderland. This is when I realized thatthe dentist wasn’t so sweet as she kept talking to the nurse very sternly whereI kept feeling bad for the way she spoke.

The water and whatever kept spraying all over my face and Icould feel drool and water flowing from either side towards my neck and as muchas I wanted to scream and get off, I couldn’t.

Reason - the nurse was busy daydreaming that she kept forgetting to hold in the suction tube thingy.

So, I closed my eyes and waited till she finished up what Icame for.

What did my mind drift off to at that time?

I kept thinking of all the compliments I’ve got for my teethand smile.

I remembered the first time a classmate looked at me when Iwas smiling about something and then suddenly said ‘You know LD, I alwayswanted to tell you that you’ve really nice teeth.’

I felt odd for some reason when I heard it.

Then I thought of all the times people told me I had a nicesmile. Who knows, I’ll just take their word for it.

Then I once had a conversation some time back with D-girlwhere she wanted to go to a pub and try innovative pick-up lines with randomgood looking men. We were high laughing at the plan and contents of ourconversation and she then went to the extent of naming us. She said we were going tobe the ‘Dimple Duo’ of the night. We both have dimples when we smile,obviously. :)

Ok, back to my teeth now. So once it was done, and I walkedout of memory lane, I checked my teeth to see if going through that messyprocess was worth it.

It was. I smiled wide and asked my mum if it was sparkly.She thought I was going nuts.

Correction - She thought I was getting 'nuttier'. ;)

Sleep Deprived

2011-09-18T10:40:00.003+05:30

I've written before that I've a weird form of Insomnia. I sometimes hardly get more than 3 hrs of sleep for a day for weeks and then need to crash for about a week to sleep for all that I've missed. Not fun! and this has been happening for like the last year I think.

Doctors will not give me any pills for this as I've Asthma and they cannot risk it as sleeping pills reduce the heart rate...is what I'm told.

Then various people have told me to meditate, read boring text books before going to sleep, masturbate, drink milk, exercise and all sorts of things and nothing has worked..

My mum wouldn't allow me to read books or watch movies in the middle of the night, she tells me to pray and sleep. No matter how much I've tried that, it doesn't work either.

So I listen to music, used to talk to friends... well it used to be my cousin, then a good batch mate who has now flown to the world down under and my other friend D-girl who is now living with her in-laws and having a hard time surviving there etc....

Sometimes, it really gets to me. It gets to me coz I end up thinking of things I need to push away from my mind... or if I'm really tired and desperately want to sleep and I can't, it gets even worse. Tossing and turning every few mins, with nothing but the sound of the fan filling up my ears isn't really pleasant... when all I'm hoping for is sleep...

A week ago, I just couldn't take it, and so went to the Health guard pharmacy near my office and had a chat with the pharmacist who happens to be pally with me. I asked her if there were any sleeping pills coz cough syrups and Piriton doesn't work at all no matter what the dose is.

She just looked at me, wide eyed, and said there are a few options.

I then asked her if she's allowed to actually give me sleeping pills without a prescription!

She smiled and said that she could, but that there are side effects.

So out of curiosity, I asked her what they were. They ranged from nausea, to feeling dizzy, to feeling drowsy and having a headache the next day etc.....

I said 'No thanks, it's ok' and walked out.

The Monday emergency

2011-09-15T10:09:00.001+05:30

On Monday evening, I wasn’t feeling too well, obviously, andso left work early. Saw a new clothes shop had opened up on the route I take to go home and stopped by with acolleague to check the place out. While oogling around the accessories sectionand collecting funky chains and earrings as my colleague watched me withutter fascination, I got a call from a friend. The one who said his world stopswhen I talk.

He said he had a life and death situation of a problem andneeded to drink with me and our dear friend Lost Soul as we 3 are quite close.

So I said I was ok to meet. Got hold of LS with the greatestdifficulty, got him to leave office early and then ran to the check out counter with my chains and ran to meetthe 2 boys.

So we met, ate, I watched them drink non-stop. They will notstop pushing me to have drinks. Seriously, not cool sometimes. But since I was sickresisting was that much easier.:)

Listened to the problem, which was indeed a life and deathsituation. More like, to do or not to do. Tough one but I’m glad that both LS andI talked sense! I was impressed with myself! God, I’ve matured so much morethan I knew.. =) lol

Anyhoo, once that was settled and friend thanked us andagreed with all what we said, it was our turn. I got the most bad ass adviceever from friend and I whole-heartedly forgive him as he was pretty high andcouldn’t really walk straight and was talking loudly too. But I must say I wasinfluenced for a day by what he said and actually thought about it. Then latermanaged to clear my head all thanks for DQ..:) who happens to know mebestest!!! :-)

It was a fun Monday night. A problem filled night turnedinto much laughter and joy at the end of it.

Simple pleasures of life. Things that keep us going sometimes…. I’m so glad I was actually able to help someone.. :-)

On a different note, dear weekend, pls come soon.... I need some rest!

Misplaced keys

2011-09-14T09:32:00.001+05:30

I’m officially sick again. Fever, cold, throat pain and theworks. To make it worse, the thought of not having leave and the workload doesmakes it even worse I think. So from 3pm last afternoon I was waiting to gohome and when I finally went home it was 7.30pm.

My mum called me on the way to tell me that no one’s home asshe has gone with my relations for an almsgiving to an orphanage which hasmentally handicapped girls.

So after getting home, I parked the car inside, closed thegate behind me and then started looking for the house key.

It wasn’t there to be found in the usual place that I keepit.

I panicked.

I started taking everything out of my handbag, putting itall on the passenger seat of my car and started looking for the key and stillcouldn’t find it. Then I remembered, half an hour later, that it was in my otherhandbag.

This is the first time ever, that something like this happened to me.

So I called my mum and told her the story. She then claimedto be half an hour away and that she will make it home as soon as she could.

I then updated my FB status.

Then I called my bro to see where he was and told him my sadstory. He tried to make me psychologically feel at ease by saying he’ll take 25mins to come home and that he’s in the bus. Seriously? I told him that he cantake his time.

Then I started walking in the garden, exploring the newthings that have been growing. We’ve one area with ‘saman pichcha’ flowers andeven with my blocked nose, I could get the fragrance of the blooming flowers.

I then sat on the doorstep, and started checking out apps onmy phone.

Then my mum called to keep me company and tell me she got myhoroscope checked by an astrologer to whom her best friend and her entirefamily goes to. She only got mine checked and was pretty impressed. So sheshared everything with me and I was impressed too. Since I wasn’t born here,getting an accurate reading on mine isn’t an easy task. But I must say, I wasdamn impressed.:) She was a bit shaky to tell me as she knows I don't go behind them much. :-)

I loved the things he said.. Lets hope they work! :-)

So listened to all that, then saw a concerned neighbor comingmy way. And then finally, my mother came home. And 5 mins later, so did mybrother.

Sitting on my doorstep, with the nice weather and drizzlefelt really nice. It felt peaceful and free.

Distorted thoughts

2011-09-13T15:02:00.001+05:30

Day before y-day we went to my cousin’s place to say ourgoodbyes and to give him some stuff to take with him. My mum as always advisedhim on the same old stuff which started with health & fitness. She willnever stop, just goes on like a broken record. In fact my cousin said heprepared himself for it.:) but preparation is ever enough for the realthing..;-) oh, our mums. Irritatingly sweet.

One thing I felt there was harmony and fun. In theneighbouring area, there are some relations residing and they all have kids. Soaltogether with my cousin, there are 5. They’re always together. Differentages, like from 28 to 10. But it’s so much fun. They’re lively, buggingeachother all the time. They fight, make fun of each other, do crazy things…. Eversince my cousin lost his mum, everyone got very close and the 5 keep each othercompany.

Made me realize how much I miss that life. When I was youngit used to be that way. Not really with a lot of kids, but with family. My dadwas a fun character. He and I used to bug my mum and others so much till we alldied laughing. Then my grandparents were highly buggable too. My mum isn’t somuch like that, but once she gets into the mood, there’s no stopping her, espwhen she’s with her friends.

We used to play with our neighbours a lot. I played cricketevery evening, can you believe that? :D

One good thing about my dad’s family is that most of themare blessed with an amazing sense of humour.

Now, home life is so different. Grandparents are no more. Mum doesn’t really bug. Then again, she wasusually the bugged target. My brother has just grown and he’s very silent. So Ibug him when I’m in the mood. I miss walkinginto a place where things used to be lively. It only changes when our uncles visit.

Someday I wish I could be a part of a family with lively,fun and crazy people. Someday, a long way from now that is. So that the realme, can re-appear.

There was something I once told my mum some time ago which seems to have hit her a lot and sherepeated it to my cousin and uncle at the earlier mentioned visit. She saidthat I once told her that I prefer a job that takes up all my time and makes me work late, as it keepsme occupied coz I don’t have anything else to do. Also coz it would keep mymind occupied and away from a lot of things. I think it made her feel helpless.But this is what I want and what helps me. I hope she understands that the wayI meant it.

Cupid, don't mess with me again!

2011-09-12T17:36:00.003+05:30

Cupid, you little monster,

In the recent past, you made an old white man come after me in a pub. I forgave you.

Then you turned months of my 'moving on, life's not bad' life into a spring garden. You gave me summer kisses, winter hugs and made my heart flutter and then gave me a mighty blow which turned my world upside down again and now I'm stuck.

The roller coaster ride has left a lasting impression/imprint like an invisible tattoo that I'm struggling to take off and move away from and I just flop at countless attempts.

I'm afraid of what I feel, what I might say, what I want to say... I'm sad coz picking myself up isn't as easy as I had hoped it would be.

It's not the time involved that matters, but what had silently been building inside me which erupted unexpectedly, which I never thought was growing so strongly.

Then while you gave me that to deal with, you just couldn't move onto torturing anyone else, could you? It had to be me again.

You decided to bring that flirty bastard of an Indian film director who I worked on commercials with earlier back through cyber space! Knowing that he was a pain to handle in the earlier trips, knowing that he disgusted me, knowing who he is, you did it again!

I'll be patient dear cupid. One more nasty attempt from you and you will be killed with your own arrow and hung by your own nappy!

Damn you!
LD.

From the entire cupid population, looks like I was assigned the nasty one who likes entertainment and is probably humming the tune of 'Killing me softly' while he watches all this!

I was so angry when the film director who I'm tired of being nice to just started again. I just blocked him and was about to tell him to sod off... and then realised, why bother. Just blocking should do.

My short tempered nature is my weakness... one of my weaknesses.

On a different note, have a brilliant week! with lotsa love, smiles, laughter and chocolates!!!! :)

CJ - you were right! I've indeed got one hell of an appetite now, compared to how I used to eat..:)

The last 7 days...

2011-09-11T14:52:00.000+05:30

- Went for a lot of coffee meet ups, to the same place. And still enjoyed them.

- Spent a lot of time with the cousin as he'll be gone by tomorrow night. Makes me feel jaded. No matter how much I go through it over and over, though it's a familiar feeling, it still gets to me, alot.

- Laughed a lot in office. 2 guys and I have become really good friends in office and they're fun to be with. We call ourselves the 'deadly combination of 3'. I can die laughing with them sometimes. I'm really thankful for them. Just makes life a bit better. :-) and man the crazy things we do!

- I'm never a morning person. I take time to get cheerful and chirpy in the morning, say maybe till after 11ish.. But this place has changed it and I can now see myself different after 9ish.. :-) A good change.

- Have been listening to Tracy Chapman's 'Give me one reason' and Craig David's 'Don't love you no more' on constant repeat. Just love both these tracks.

- Read Tuesday's with Morrie and liked it. It was thought provoking and a really good book.

- Ordered Robin Sharma's The Greatness Guide and am impatiently waiting for the delivery.

- Watched the Apes movie. It was ok I guess. Liberty Lite is kinda neat. Except, if you see a seat with a brown stain on it in the front section, it may be coz of me. When the movie ended, we all got up to leave. As we began walking, the last bit came on screen and we all just sat again. One of my friends hadn't finished his coke and left it in the cup/bottle holder. I accidentally knocked the bottle with my handbag and didn't realise it till I sat on a seat with coke on it! I'm usually not a klutz, but... yeah. Good thing I was wearing a tribal-ish kurtha top which was black, white and red coz nothing could be seen. :) Otherwise it would've looked like I pee-d all over myself.

- Went for the monthly meet up with school friends and had a good time on Friday night. Also heard one of the best compliments ever. 2 of one of my friend's colleagues also joined us. So said friend turned to one of his colleagues and said :

"machang, do you have any friends, where when they call, the voice is just so damn sexy that it makes you just stop everything you're doing and listen to them?"

Friend's colleague shook his head and said no.

Friend then looked at me and said "I do..." and smiled. :-)

For a moment, I thought his girlfriend might stare daggers at me. But she joined in and said the same thing.

- My uncle and aunt work for a NGO and they've been offered a big place to stay. So my aunt had asked my mum if my bro or I would like to live with them as they don't have kids and the place is too big. Mum had said that my bro wouldn't agree to it and might not leave her, but that she'll ask me and see.

So she did ask me. But the way she asked, she was hoping I would say no. So I thought about it for a wee bit and told her that as much as I would love to have a change, if they expect me to be around talking all the time and keeping them company, that's really not going to happen with work and all that. Besides, since they don't have kids, they'll be at me 24/7 protecting me even more so I said I'd rather stick with my mum coz the option could turn out to be worse.

She smiled and agreed with me. lol

- The new blogger stat counter says that THIS is my post viewed post.

Pardon me, is what I’ll tell the world..

2011-09-06T14:28:00.000+05:30

If I’m rude - it’s just that I’m fighting with myself deepinside and being rude is not intentional

If I appear to not care – it’s coz sometimes I tend toswitch off

If I look sad – it’s just a few uncontrollable moments thatmake me feel jaded till it passes by..

If I don’t talk – I just need to be left alone… or I need tobe cheered up

If I’m not engaging enough – that’s coz I’m lost in my ownmisery

If I don’t join for meet ups – it’s coz I need some timeaway, or else my misery will ruin it for everyone else

For a lot of things…. As not everything can be controlled asand when I want to..

Sometimes, it just sucks….. to be me… and to go throughthings in my life….. and the way I let them affect me… in the most vulnerableof ways..

Sometimes… I break… then after much effort, I heal.. andbefore I get a chance to remain healed, I break again…

My song for the day : The Man who can’t be moved by TheScript.

The last few days…

2011-09-05T16:15:00.001+05:30

Felt sad but tried to do so many things to keep my stubborn& uncontrollable mind occupied.

Watched Harry Potter and thought it was a bit of a letdown. Especiallythe ending. For those who don’t read the books and only follow the movies,there’s so much that they’re missing out on.

Attended a b’day lunch of a colleague y-day. He only invitedpeople that meant something to him and he proudly claimed that his age is theperfect bra size of a woman. :-) Also had the opportunity to indulge in thebest homemade chocolate biscuit pudding ever!!

Had a meet up with the old office crowd on Friday nightwhich ended well.

Reading ‘Hey Whipple Squeeze This’ by Luke Sullivan who’s acopywriter and the below paragraph has to be shared, esp with those in the adindustry :D Below is copy paste of above mentioned section:

It reminds me ofa paragraph I plucked from our office bulletin

board, one ofthose e-mailed curiosities that makes its way around

corporateAmerica:

Dear Ann: I havea problem. I have two brothers. One brother is in

advertising. Theother was put to death in the electric chair for first degree

murder. My motherdied from insanity when I was three. My

two sisters areprostitutes and my father sells crack to handicapped

elementary schoolstudents. Recently, I met a girl who was just

released from areformatory where she served time for killing her

puppy with a ball-peen hammer, and I want to marry her. Myproblem

is, should I tellher about my brother who is in advertising? Signed,

Anonymous

Has now got new nicknames in the office. The receptionistcalls me Dark Angel and said she loves my dress sense. I have a feeling she’sgoing to stalk me big time too. Then Thrada calls me Black Beauty. One of theSinhala writers who joined this place with me from the old office continues tocall me his “little princess”, yes he’s twice my age, and he won’t stop tellingme that I excite him every time I talk to him on the phone. Arrgghh..

Went for an awesome fashion show with the mother.

Was treated to a lovely dinner by the neighbours. That auntyis a fabulous cook and someday I hope I could know how she prepares her dishes.Really.

Been thinking of getting myself a big wardrobe as the existing 2 cupboards cannotseem to bear my clothes load. They need to be replaced. Besides, one of them ismy favourite cupboard which I got shipped down as I used it from my childhood.I also got my childhood bed shipped down some time ago. :)

Ended the weekend with a temple visit which was calming andnice and remained calm when I realized that someone stole my lovely brown chappals/slippers which I got from India… sigh. Seriously, peopleACTUALLY rob when they go to the temple, out of all places? My mum was throwingfits of anger and I told her to calm down as it is not she nor I who sinned.:-) Or maybe an old lady with blurred vision accidentally wore them and then thenext day was wondering where the hell her slippers are and what a lovely brownpair is doing near her shoe rack. :D Who knows!

So that’s that. How was your weekend?

When the stars go blue.....

2011-09-02T12:57:00.002+05:30

This is my song.. for the day... the week.... and...

When The Stars Go Blue (The Corrs & Bono)

[Bono] Dancing where the stars go blue
[Andrea] Dancing where the evening fell
[Bono] Dancing in your wooden shoes
[Andrea] In a wedding gown

[Bono] Dancing out on 7th street
Dancing through the underground
[Andrea] Dancing little marionette
[Both] Are you happy now?

Where do you go when you’re lonely?
Where do you go when you’re blue?
Where do you go when you’re lonely ? I’ll follow you...
[Bono] When the stars go blue (bluuuuue)
When the stars go blue (bluuuuue)
[Andrea] When the stars go blue (bluuuuue)
[Bono] When the stars go blue

Laughing with your pretty mouth
[Andrea] Laughing with your broken eyes
[Bono] Laughing with your lover’s tongue
[Both] In a lullaby

Where do you go when you’re lonely?
Where do you go when you’re blue?
Where do you go when you’re lonely ? I’ll follow you...
[Bono] When the stars go blue (bluuuuue)
When the stars go blue (bluuuuue)
[Andrea] When the stars go blue (bluuuuue)
[Bono] When the stars go blue

[Andrea] When the stars go blue (bluuuuue)
(bluuuuue) when the stars go (bluuuuue)

[Bono] When the stars go blue

[Both] Where do you go [Bono] when you’re lonely?
[Andrea] Where do you go when you’re blue yeah?
Where do you go when you’re lonely ? I’ll follow you...

btw- The new blogger features/look etc.. is SO cool!! :-)