How to love

Heard 'How to love' by Lil Wayne?

Now listen to Ashanthi's version. I keep listening to this on repeat. It's just amazing!!! And such a touching song too..

Splendid Saturday

Last evening was my brother's graduation. I've never seen my mother so excited before. Seriously.

So in the morning as I woke up, I was asked to pick out his shirt and tie and helped him with whatever he needed help with. Then we were told that a bunch of his batchmates were coming home to gang up and go together.

So while all the other drama was going on, I sat down to watch the latest episodes of Grey's Anatomy & Vampire Diaries. Now my clothes were all sorted. I had to get into a bit of a dressy saree as I had to run for a wedding straight after the convocation coz my friend doesn't have many friends and she did say that she will 'kill me' if I didn't turn up. So I had to go.

Now in the middle of watching my TV series, I was asked to tie my brother's tie. I must say it's very embarrassing that no one at home knew to tie a tie other than me! I can't remember if my dad knew though.. but how I learnt it was from a friend when I was in school abroad.

So as I started to tie it, I suddenly realised that I hadn't done it for a long time, and just to be sure, I actually checked out a video on youtube! I can't believe me sometimes.

The video was taking a long time to load so I watched the first bit and then remembered the sequence and went on and tied the tie.

When the friends had arrived, my brother kept coming up and giving me one tie at a time coz non of them knew to tie a tie either! So there I was, sitting and watching Grey's Anatomy and tying ties and sending them downstairs. The one that stays edged in my mind is this dark blue tie that belonged to one of the boys with bright red spots on it. Looked really weird. Made me think of alien diseases...... maybe coz I watched Green Lantern last week.

So once all that was over and the boys had left, my mother started running around, screaming at me every 5 mins and acting as if she was the one graduating and was getting late to go.

Usually she's the one who drapes the saree for me and in the excitement, she had got dressed and totally forgot me! She walked into my room all dressed up and when she saw me in my home clothes she went 'ah'.. I told her I can do it myself.

But NO,she had to inspect coz according to her, if she's around, no one can do it as well as she does. Sigh, mothers.

So for the first time, I did it myself and it came out all right. Except for the fact that my pleats in front were too long and I kept stepping on them. But this still wasn't good enough for her. She had to pull and pin here and there.

Anyhoo, when we were on the way, she kept screaming at me saying we were late when we were not and that it was all my fault. Come on, there's only so much I can take! But I still kept quiet and let her say whatever she wanted to say and realised that it's the excitement that's doing all this to her.

It was raining heavily and I had to park a mile away and suffer.

So we went, sat for painful hours as speeches were given, awards were given and photos were taken. Good thing a family friend's daughter of 19 yrs was sitting next to me and we kept eachother company. These girl are seriously crazy I tell ya. Man the things we talked about. But it was really fun.

So once it was all done, I went for the wedding and left my uncle to figure out transport arrangements for everyone to get back home.

Now I was told 2 guys I know will be there at the wedding but one hadn't turned up and the other was lost in the crowd and I did not have his number. I really didn't want to go coz I didn't know anyone else but since I knew her parents well and we've been close, I had no choice but to go.

So as I entered, the speeches were being given by the groom, friends etc... So I sat at the table closest to the entrance which had empty seats and a bunch of guys. As I sat watching and listening to the speeches being given, someone called my name from behind me. Oh joy! there was a batchmate! Man, how relieved and awesome I felt is inexplicable.

So we chatted for a long time and then he started introducing the guys at the table. By this time, some of them had already talked to me asking who I was and blah blah blah...

At our table was also the Mayor of Beruwala! cool noh? ;) I knew this from my friend, who also told me what his life is like and how his younger days were. So by now, I know quite a bit about him. :)

Anyhoo, it went ok and I left early. Disappointment is that the food at Cinnamon Grand wasn't so great for some reason. Variety was good but quality and taste was not upto the standard it's been and it's expected to be. Even the chocolate and white mousse wasn't great!

This was by far one of the most glamours and most spent weddings I'd been to. My friend and I (out of boredom) made a rough calculation of how much it all would've costed and realised that they could've had a smaller, nicer wedding and actually built a house or two for the homeless. Just the way I think.

Guess we all don't think the same way. To each his own. But it was nicely done I must say.

Ah Sunday, pls go slowly. I don't want this to end, considering that the weather is lovely... and my feet hurt so much from the heels/shoes I wore and walked in yday... They will now be in the 'to be put away' list.

Jumbled

Those deep

Misleading eyes

Keep

Appearing in

My mind

At

Uncertain times

When all

I

Need is

To get

Away

So bad.

How do

You tell

Your

Heart and soul

Not to

Feel

What it

Feels so

Strong

For someone

Who doesn’t

Want

What flows

From you

So

Strong & true.

I wish

It was

Just

A dream

What Have

I

Done to

Feel this

Way.

A risk

Should not

Feel

So bad

Am I

Weak

Or am

I holding

Too

Tight to

Something

That’s as

Good as

An

Unreal dream.

How does

One lie

To

one’s Inner self

And say

It

was only a

Passing cloud

Only 

a midnight dream?

It's 

a play

with

a sad ending

that needs

the 

curtains to

be drawn

now.

Challenge

I've been wanting to join a gym for a while now and finally signed up two days ago with 4 guys from office.  When I told my mum about it, she thought it was great to have company while working out coz it'll be fun too.

Last night I had a great 1st workout with 2 of the guys and it felt goooooood!

I needed a challenge, something to do and work on. So I decided, I'm going to fight with my hormones/genes. :) This is going to be tough but fun. I've mentioned this here.

There was a time a few years ago, say around 6 years ago, I used to gym 3 hrs a day for about 4-5 days a week. Went on a very strict diet and since I was on a 3 month vacation at that time, it worked perfectly well. It actually worked! I still can't believe the clothes sizes I wore at that time! Then when I didn't keep up due to studies, I started to put on again.

This time, I'm determined to go through that again. To lose weight, tone up and look all sexy again. Correction - sexier. ;)

The gym instructor is a well built ok looking guy. Very friendly. He's made me his challenge. So I warned him about my past and what weight loss is like for me. He grew very quiet and said he's still determined to make me lose weight. =)

There was one instance where he saw me chewing sugar free gum and asked me what the hell I was munching away... When I said it was gum, he gave me this weird look which said something like 'you naughty girl.'

So yes, it's all good. Feels good. Lets see how far we go.

Hormones, genes and whatever else - bring it on! LD is in fight mode.

I've also started taking a meal replacement at night and what I really can't handle is my mum going at me non-stop coz she thinks I'm going to be weak and all that. She has so many things to say and honestly, I don't know where some of these ladies actually get all their information from. Wait, then again, I really don't want to know.

I didn't see any great eye-candy at the gym though. Some of the chicks were hot. Lets see what the men are like. ;)

I still remember, the last gym I went to in 2009-2010, there was a guy running on the treadmill next to me one day. We had small talk and he told me to just tone up and not lose much weight. He specifically told me not to lose much from my butt coz it looked bountiful! I felt so weird when I heard it that I switched to another machine.

When I shared this story with some friends over drinks, one friend asked if that guy thought my ass was some sort of harvest to describe it to be bountiful.

Funny thing is, the instructor made us do some weights as well yday. I'm fine, except after coming to work I can feel my arms going a little stiff and I'm beginning to feel a wee bit of pain. But it should all be ok..:)

Anyhoo, wish me strength to go through this! =)

Another mummy story

A few days ago, when I went home after work, my mum excitedly told me that she had a really boring day and so took her phone and learnt how to type and send text messages ON HER OWN. Those words in caps were highlighted a few times in her speech.

So I congratulated her. Then she started sending me messages if I didn’t answer her calls due to work, meetings etc..

One of the messages asked what time I was coming home. It also had the word ‘Duwa’ in it and she usually never calls me that. It’s usually by my notorious pet name which even the monks, neighbours…etc use to call me by.

Talking about my pet name, I just remembered a true story. Loooooooong ago when I was about 12 or 13 yrs of age, I went to a friend’s b’day party. Suddenly I heard my friend’s mum calling out my pet name and I was wondering how she knew it.

So I went upto her and asked her why she was looking for me. Then she looked at me and said, “no darling, I was calling out for the dog. I can’t seem to find her”.

The dog was a Pomeranian and had my pet name.

I can’t quite imagine what I felt when I heard that. I walked out and never smiled for the rest of the day. To make it worst, I told my home folks and they laughed at it. That didn't help either.

Ok, so coming back to my mum -  then the text messages were more like love letters to a daughter who lives far far away. They addressed me as ‘hi Duwa’ or Dear LD (pet name) and then the message would follow and she would sign it off too..

Really funny I must say!

Now the messages have improved. They’re short and to the point. No love, no addressing duwa. She learns fast I must say.

:)

Power of voice

Lets be upfront and honest about something. Some of us have a thing for voices. Esp me. I’ve one helluva thing for deep, authoritative sounding voices. The kind that makes you just melt away while you listen and makes you really weak. What is talked doesn’t even have to make sense. You just want to listen.

There was a time I used to go for English recordings when a well known English voicing artist used to voice some of our commercials in the earlier work place. Some of you might know him – Shirash Matchado. He used to read news on one of the local channels too I think. That man has an asset of a voice that he makes a living from it too. I would just close my eyes and listen and let the creative guy just keep making him talk….

Then when I went for a client meeting last week, my knees felt so weak when I heard one of the guys speak. DQ was next to me and I immediately turned to her and said ‘Oh man, he has a great voice!’ and all she said was ‘oh no..’.

I do have a few guy friends who have amazing voices.

Then I realized that my Rugby love Daniel Carter (yes I’m in love with him) has a damn good voice too…. Now he’s got the total package, which is a bit too good to be true. But hey, nature does surprise us sometimes.

Here’s to voices! Great ones, that makes one’s heart flutter, ears listen, knees weak and end up with mind blowing reactions.

This also happens to be my 600th post! :-)  

Dudette, what's wrong with you?

I was inspired by darling Kaiser's post here and decided to do a similar one... though I know one post will not suffice.

I used to be a very strong person especially from my teen years to a few years ago. Nothing scared me other than cockroachs and spiders and other insects, reptiles. My mum used to be amazed at the guts I had and how I used to look at problems and be determined to move on and look through them. But somehow little by little it began to wither away, the strength, and I've realised that I've become such a girl and it's not cool. I'm emotionally much more vulnerable and have become so soft that it surprises me sometimes.

I have weird eating habits sometimes. I've found that chocolates give me a super sugar rush and there is a habit which I continue to ocassionally try out from my younger days. I take a whole pack of chocolate biscuits and make myself a quarter cup of warm milk. I break the biscuits and add them all to the milk, mix it till it gets thick like porridge and eat it with a spoon. The whole thing. It makes me feel sick sometimes coz it's really sweet, but I love it. Helps me with my mood swings too at times. :)

 If I walk out of a supermarket and see a poor person with a kid outside, I immediately go through the things I bought to see what I can give them. If not, I would go back inside and get something to give them. The yearning in their eyes upset me otherwise and it takes time to get over it.

When I had to move on and away from someone I really cared about and did so much for and shared so much with a few years ago, I made up my mind, found ways to help myself and though I found myself in ruts of depression many a time, I somehow got moving on.... it did take 3 years till I finally felt like it was much better.. but I did it. Eventhough I asked him never to contact me, he never listened. He gave me some time and kept trying to contact me in so many ways... one message after another.. but I never responded and I never will. What's the point after moving on? After all we had to go through... Coz otherwise you allow yourself to keep fingering a painful wound. I understand there is unbearable guilt that he goes through but there's nothing I can do about it; for you will pay for your actions and not others. So this has finally settled as history.

What I really miss sometimes is the companionship.. like talking about how eachother's day was... ya di da di daa.. then I got used to not having it... and then was suddenly given a taste of it.. and now it just sucks.

I promised myself that I would never allow this to happen again... never look at a guy again with any feelings other than friendship.. but something deep in me just fought and proved me wrong... and now I find myself struggling again. What is wrong with me, I do not know....what is wrong with me to attract things like this? what is wrong with me to not have what I want? so many unanswered 'what is wrong's'...

My eyes light up and I get excited at the sight of chocolates, brownies, milkshakes, mangoosteen and yummy food. I used to not have much of an appetite for food for some reason and now it's the other way around since of late..

When a friend is in need or sad, it troubles me a lot till I find way to help him/her (if there's a way)... this goes out to the close friends.

I talk to my car, like Kaiser talks to planes. Mandy is like my best friend.. the one I know who won't leave me unless I sell her off... or something happens. Only a vehicle owner/lover will understand what it's like to love a vehicle and care for it... and talk to it too... :-)

I'm quite the emotional type. Not always healthy, but like I mentioned before, that's what I've become. But it made me realise it's also what makes me a better person sometimes and it helps relate to others too. It's like having set up a market of emotions where it's all there dangling with tags on them and people can easily hit them as they please when they walk by.... they can see it coz it's just out there... deep set feelings like love is the biggest trouble-maker as many of you would've guessed and would agree too...

I find good looking white men who are mature looking to be very hot. Add a good deep voice to the figure and I will melt onto the floor like a pool of honey or milk chocolate . :) My flirty self will emerge and will probably get all tongue twisty and all till I gain my balance in my head. ;)

I'm more of a giver than a receiver. It's usually like that and it's something I enjoy doing too.... be it for love, humanity, friends, charity etc.... that doesn't mean I don't receive....  :)

I'm the girl who sometimes wish in a very childish way that I had the power to end all suffering in this world so everyone can be happy. Esp when I see poor people, orphans, elderly people without family who can care for them etc..... I sometimes think it's really unfair that our past karma needs to visit us and make us pay in a life where we don't even know what we're suffering for. Kiddish, I know.

Something my mum first told my brother and me when our dad passed away still stays edged in my mind. She said 'the 3 of us would've sinned together in a previous life to suffer such a loss. Lets hope we live right, do good and never have to go through it again in another life." I can still feel the rivers of tears that flowed non-stop when she told us that.

I've terrible mood swings sometimes. Can you blame me, I'm a woman afterall! It can be for different reasons... what I like best is when I'm happy for no reason at all, which doesn't happen that often.

I'm the girl who has to sometimes fight with my mother just so my brother can have a life. For eg, last year or so for his b'day my uncle and aunt bought him a mo-ped. Mum never let him ride it coz she was afraid. After much screaming and explanations from me, he is now allowed to ride it for classes etc... now after letting him go a few times she's cool with it. She's so cool that my brother and I nearly choked on breakfast one morning when she asked if he could take her for a ride. Coz that would undoubtedly be the end of it. She can be funny like that sometimes. She asked if it can carry the weight of 2. In case you're wondering, no she was not taken on a ride in a mo-ped. ;)

There are times where I just want to be left alone and not disturbed for anything. I need peace.

Every time I'm ok something comes along to upset the balance. It's like we're never meant to be ok.

I think it's a sin to cage animals... esp birds and dogs.. and I hate the idea of fish being tanked away... but there's always something soothing about watching them - the fish that is. I'm told goldfish have an extremely short memory time span of a few seconds so they don't feel it. In which case it's alright.

I think a part 2 should follow as I can't seem to end it. I also realised that there's so much more to me than what I blog. Which made me realise, every person on this planet has so much about their life... and the cycle continues.

I think this post took a weird turn in the middle.

Anyhoo, have a brilliant week all!

Hello there...

Driving home at 1 or 2 am after work.. with loud music for company.. empty roads and bright lights.. freeway to speed away… tiredness settling in, eyelids drooping with the need to shut… a moment of peace which was felt was destroyed in an instant… when a little voice in my head said ‘ hello loneliness’ another said ‘hey sadness’….

They never left… only choose to hide away at times… but never leave..

Then suddenly the world was a stranger again…. A stranger I don’t want to get to know..

Depressed thoughts of a sleep deprived, chocolate craving, tired yet alert chick coz someone said there was a cockroach near her neighbour’s seat..

…they scare me and I scare them with my screams… and my size I’m sure.

Sleep deprived due to the workload... funny how something always upsets my sleep time esp when this week's been a good sleep week for me.. and now it's going to go hay-wire again..

aarrgghh! 

But all the hard work & stress paid off unbelievably well! :-)

Have a super weekend all!

Losing my mind

It's been a really stressful and tiring day and there's more work to be done. So I don't see myself going home any time soon. This is how I planned to take a break...:)

Well, actually I walked with DQ to the waffle joint and we shared 2 huge waffles... one was bacon and cheese.. and then we had waffles with chocolate sauce... Do I really need to say how awesome I feel right now?

Now, the part about losing my mind...


In the midst of all the work, there's one brand which requires adhering to a lot of brand guidelines for every damn thing we do. I know how it is but believe me, this is an extremely unusual case.

One of the 'deadly combination of 3', well lets call him C, is the one who says the most sarcastic things ever and has an awesome sense of humour. The dry humour that first makes you realise that it was rude and then realise he was just being funny.

So at one point today, I sat next to C for a bit and said "oh man.... I hate unfinished guidelines and I think I'm going to lose my mind right now..."

He stopped working on his copywriting, turned and looked at me over his glasses and said "Well, do you have to lose it here?"

I just cracked up laughing for about 10 mins non-stop and so did he. That just cheered me up!

Ah...friends and humour! :)

The invitation

I once mentioned that my uncle and aunt were moving into a house given to them by their office. Last Saturday night, we were invited to the new place for dinner and we went.

Since it was my first time there, I was given a tour of the place and they asked me what I thought as I’m usually the opinionated one and this is something  many have said varying from family, to neighbours to lecturers etc… I still remember the time my MIS lecturer once asked if there were any questions after a lecture and when the whole class was silent, she called me by my surname and said ‘surely you’ve something to say or ask? You’re a very opinionated girl and it’s nice to see the way you think”.

Anyhoo, coming back, I seem to be doing this drifting off business quite a lot since of late noh?

Ok, coming back, once I gave my comments on the place, they asked me to stay with them as they’re bored (coz they don’t have kids) and the place is too big.

I didn’t know what to say… Coz on one hand now that project room is almost complete and my room is clean and sort of dust free, I like it. I’ve been sleeping the last 3 days too quite well. (touch wood, gold and whatever I can find).

They even want to give me the master bedroom and move into a smaller room if I’m willing to stay with them, atleast on weekends.

On the other hand, as much as I would like to have a change, I know it’s going to irritate me to bits. Let me tell you why:

-          - My uncle is a jovial and loud person with one hell of a sense of humour. He loves to make me laugh. I might die of laughter or get asthma attacks at a stretch and then collapse.

-         -  He loves to feed me and my brother. He will keep buying food all the time and then feel sad if I don’t eat.

-       -    I’ll have to find ways to keep them company coz that’s why they want me in the first place. Now that doesn’t really sound like fun.

-      -    My aunt will keep asking me what I’m upto every 15 mins. 

-     -     I may have to watch irritating & awful teledramas with them. Yes they’re that sort.

-         - My aunt with be coming after me every 10 – 20 mins with one or more of the following:

o   A banana, pineapple slices or one of the other few fruits I eat, asking me if I’m hungry

o   Sweets

o   Tea or drinks

o   Savory stuff and pastries

o   Any other edible thing you and I can think of

-     -     She will also find topics to talk about that interest me, only to keep me going and then turn them in a very tactical way to something she likes to talk about….. 

-         - It’ll be a bit strange coz my dad’s brother married my mum’s sister and these two will be exactly like living with my parents all over again. So not much of a difference. Ofcourse, my aunt is a bit more cooler than my mum maybe coz she has no kids.. But they can both be crackpots sometimes. :)

I think I’ll end the list there. My insanity levels will be higher if I stay there. But if they force me, I’ll think about it and give it a try. Thing is, I’m afraid to give it a try as well coz if I do it once, then they’ll get upset if I don’t do it again.

Oh man…. Why me?

They won’t ask my bro coz he and my mum are like the inseparable duo. Though I think the poor lad deserves a break…:)

This post is after a long and awful day at work. I needed a break and now I need to drown myself in my work again. 

I know they love me loads... and in order to maintain that and leave it the way it is, I think I should indirectly decline the invitation. I sometimes wonder why people who have means are the ones to get more... In fact I was having a chat with my mum and asking why the company couldn't give the house to an employee(s) who lived far away and needed/deserved a place to stay?  Or why not use the place for a good cause?

Or am I the only one who thinks that way?

oh well... I'm now trying to get rid of the mid-week blues that are eating into me...