Snapped

About 2 weeks or so ago, when I went home late in the night after work, as usual, my mum was going on about this religious event at the Dalada Maligawa and how she was invited and wants to go.

I felt a 'but' coming around and then the second part of the conversation was around the fact that she can't leave me and my bro and go...plus there are robbers all over the place so what if we get robbed.

She had a million reasons.

I was fed up. I was tired and not ready to listen to this, so without thinking I just snapped at her.

I told her that I'm a 26 yr old woman and not a child. I also reminded her of her son's age. I went on to tell her that one day I will take care of myself and that we're never going to starve if she isn't around.

I told her that life is freakishly short and that she needs to remember that we're big enough to take care of ourselves and that she needs to start doing all what she wants to do, to get away from suffering and gather/earn as much merit as she can.

She just listened. She was stunned and never spoke back.

I stormed into my room and left it at that.

2 days later I wanted to tell her that I meant everything I said but I'm sorry I was angry. So when I was going to speak to her, she called me to say she's leaving for Kandy and that all plans had been made. She was away for 2 days and when she called from Kandy, I could feel the happiness and enthusiasm in her voice! She enjoyed it, loved the experience and was really happy.

I'm glad I snapped. Coz otherwise she wouldn't gave gotten the message.

So it worked out to be good! :)

I sometimes wonder...

Whether there's a chance that I would turn into an absolute retard coz I have to work with many and it's frustrating as hell.

Why I had to grow up.

Whether we'll find a way to get to the other parallel universe coz I would like to know what my other version of me is doing there.

If I'll be able to do half the things I want to do.

Why I can't control my emotions when I really need to..

If I'll ever learn to save.

Why I'm losing my temper more than ever these days. Perhaps it's the workload and stress getting to me more than it should.

Why we have to deal with all this crap day in and day out.

Why I can't get the change I'm trying hard and really want to get. Perhaps I'm trying at a wrong time? But then, what will the right time be?

Why some friends do all the wrong things, learn from their mistakes, and repeat them knowing what the outcome is going to be, talk about it and still do it!

Why I still can't control my own mind and emotions and not let other forces determine/control it for me. Not enough self control? Or too easy to fall?

If I'll ever know what it's like to live on my own... coz that's something I'd love to do right now.

Why people like me...why they respect me... why some may hate me....and what make me, me.

Never....

have I been away from my blog for so long.... I think.

It's just that work's been so crazy....that I only have random moments to think about my blog and not actually sit and type anything...

I miss being here... I really do..

Eventhough all the efforts and hard work put in was good, it really has burnt down just about all my nerves and the last one was stepped on by an ultimate..absolute bitch who either doesn't have a brain and was born to be bitchy or just doesn't know how to use the brain she's got!

All I know is long working hours and hardly much sleep...

I can't even remember what a weekend away from work is like....