Ambition

When I was young(er) and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, these were my answers:

- At the age of 6 I wanted to be famous and rich, buy 2 Alsatians for my parents' protection along with a huge house and servants as I wanted to travel the world.

- At the age of 11, I was in love with Enid Blyton's books so I decided I was going to be an author.

- At the age of 13, I wanted to be a lawyer. I was good in arguing and never gave up. I thought I had a chance.

- At the age of 14, my mum didn't want me to do Science coz Uni would be too expensive, so I had to do commerce. But I was good at it.

- At 16 after O/Ls, I couldn't do law so settled for Accounting and Business subjects.

- At the age of 18, after A/Ls, I sat through painful hours and days at BC filling out all those forms and going through countless Uni directories and brochures hoping to get in for a dual Hons degree in Accounting and Law as I wanted to be a corporate lawyer.

- At 18, I got selected to do the degree I wanted at Kingston U.K, a dream for many of us at that time..and my happiness was crushed when my mum decided that she's not going to let me go abroad all by myself... My dad tried to help me go, but it just didn't work.

Then later:

- At 18, I started following one of the best Business Management degrees and after that did CIM finals as I had exemptions from stages 1 & 2.

- Now I always wonder what my life would've been like if I had gotten the chance to do what I loved to do at that time.

- I don't hate the field I'm in... but I can't help thinking I was pushed into something I halfheartedly did but got good results.. somehow it doesn't count.

- Now I'm weighing my options for an MBA...but my mum only wants me to get married and I'm fighting a hard battle as I want to learn. Yes, I'm hungry for knowledge...I used to be studious and I like to be that way...

Lets see how it goes.

How was it for you?

It's been a while..

Work's been keeping me really busy.. so busy that I haven't even had a chance to see what my favourite bloggers are upto, or update my own blog. I miss it. I think about many topics that I want to write about..and then I just forget them (unintentionally).

The new account keeps me loaded with work and I sorta like it though it's pretty challenging and a lot of work. It makes me forget the rest of my world and I don't even have time to answer a friend's call or reply texts & mails. I dream about work and strategies and some of the best ideas come to me in my sleep. Strange,I know.

There has been quite a bit of politics going on and I get to hear bits and pieces. Intriguing, scary and unfair is all I can say.

But, something nice happened and I must say it touched me. Ok, 2 nice things happened. The CEO of my company has realised that I'm really good in what I do and has kept me in charge of the new account not just here, but regionally - in terms of local alignment etc..

Then the other thing, I'm sure you know the famous battles that go on with Account management and creative right? So there have been battles, management discussion forums and what not. Turns out that the creative dept believes and appreciates that only 2 people from Account Management stand up for things and help out Creative and I was one of them. Yes, I got goosebumps when I heard it. Never thought I made such a difference.

What was even better is that the Creative and Final dept got together after work last Friday and decided to make an exception...which was to invite me...the ONLY one from Account Management they liked to have around. That means a lot. Seriously.

So yes, I probably sound like I'm boasting about myself, but it felt really really good.

Other than that, my mum still has proposals from all these boys (who's horoscopes don't match - thank heavens for that!).

She hasn't stopped promoting fairness creams to me either...and no matter how much I tell her that I'm fine with my complexion, she still thinks that a girl should be fair like her! bullocks!

Seriously, I wonder who the hell came up with fairness creams in the first place!

So that's my story, or rather stories of the day.

What's yours? :)

To move on...

Before I begin what I have to say, it would follow a series of posts written a while back..esp this one

I may have turned into a work-o-holic...not by choice..but sometimes I seek refuge in it as it helps me forget the rest of my world.

I meet up with friends quite often for drinks.. because this too helps me slip into something better till it lasts...till I get to bed late in the night..

I've searched for things to help me move on..spoken to myself countless times telling myself that I'm alright and that things are better..but since of late, I've been thinking, who am I kidding really?

What really gets to me is that this is completely worthless..it's like a storm that brought destruction and went away... but getting over the fact that it happened, after so long, seems to be that much harder.

There are days where I'm alright...and the world doesn't seem to be such a bad place. But when the gloomy ones hit, it makes me miss my steps as I walk and keeps making me lose sight of my pathway that I constantly keep falling.

This isn't fair. What more am I to do , I ask around...I ask myself... I try to get other things which are a priority in my life right now and I'm working hard towards them.. but this feeling that I don't want, this memory that I don't want anymore always troubles me.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Never did I realise that after so long,I'd still be feeling so hurt and bruised.

I'm stuck in this magnitude of time and feeling...

I've made it clear to him that I do not want to be friends as it will only make it harder for me... and yet, he tried calling about a month or so ago...followed by a text message which was intended for someone else - isn't that like the oldest trick in the book?

The above is then followed by a message on FB saying it was an accident and that he wants to know how I'm but never tried asking coz I did not want to keep in touch. He also says that the past can be where it belongs and that he would be happy if I replied.

I never responded to any of his attempts. He's moved on...got what he wanted...happy I believe, I don't know... so why ruin it for me over and over?

I'm not over things.. I'm not ready to be friends... I don't want any of it...
I want to forget..move on... feel the sunshine completely...

I'm also afraid to be friends....coz whenever he came back, it was always because he wanted something...there was always a selfish motive behind his moves...

Just leave me alone...let me be.... let me clear up this mess that has you all over it...

I want to feel free of this hurt... I want to look at a bird in the sky and feel the breeze it feels..

I want this to completely go away. I'm writing coz I need to clear my head of these thoughts...

I need...to get going...

Everytime I think I'm ready..... something shows me I'm not....yet.