Letting the frustrations flow....

I’ve a cousin brother who is very close to me and is the only family I have who truly understands me and knows how I feel. I don’t even have to tell him anything.. he will just know.

Sadly he went to Aussie 3 years ago and is studying there. I miss him so much. We do keep in touch and talk but sometimes work from my side and studies from his side keeps us away. But 2 nights ago he called and we spoke for an hour and it truly felt good.

His mum died 10 yrs ago and then my dad died 5 yrs ago. He was telling me how he went for one of his good friend’s mum’s funeral a week ago and how he couldn’t really handle it..coz his friend was sobbing the whole time and sad and when my cousin went to talk to him, it’s like he knew what it felt like.... but just couldn’t say anything... or do anything.. coz he knew exactly how it is.. and it was getting to be quite painful.

It never really goes away... ever. That’s one reason why I hate going to funerals. And ofcourse there are a few times where it has occurred to me that life is pretty unpredictable and if my mum does die, like she says she will every single day, eventhough I have my brother and relations, I know life will be different. Mum and I may not get along too well.... but the power of family..... sometimes we don’t treasure it when we have it... and only feel lonely and in distress without them when they’re gone.

So yea....


I want to make changes in my life.. I don’t want to be this way anymore. I can’t think of anything much that makes me happy right now... not even chocolate brownies. It’s like having fallen into a pit where I’m trying to get out with a different approach. But will other factors of life favour me and help me, is the question.

Other than having a lot of people telling me that it’s time I took life seriously and thought of getting married, I have other things on my mind.

My job for instance...The first work experience I had in the past was the best. I had an immediate boss who truly cared for me and I’ve written about the best here. They’ve given me the best work experience ever. They’ve let me grow and helped me. But never told me how good I was coz they didn’t want to spoil me. Instead, they would talk to other colleagues about me and that’s how I found out that I was shinning and appreciated and I was truly helped. And this is a big organisation I’m talking about where everything is tough!

But where I’m now... I don’t get guidance or anything from the immediate boss they’ve put me under. I still can’t understand how it has happened. But it’s really not fair and it only saddens me to think about it. There is nothing that he teaches me other than the art of lying one after another. Me being his subordinate, there is absolutely no respect and he doesn’t even stop to think how I would feel about things. There are many occasions where he has lied about me and used my name to clear his own wrongdoings. All he does is not give me experiences but plenty of miseries and mistakes to clear up. And then he goes missing. Would you call that responsible and being a leader? And now, I’m not even told whenever he goes on leave and I have to find out from others. People don’t even like to work with him and a lot of things fall on me.

Yes there are communication issues.. When everything failed, I tried taking charge and being on top of things.. and he didn't like it.. and I think it made him feel inferior. He's not happy when I get praised for all the work I do either. He also has a way of making me appear dumb and ignorant in front of clients which I can't stand!

So I spoke to the management about it one day when I really couldn't bear it anymore.

What was the response?

The management made the two of us sit with them and talk everything out.. the problems we had and all that. So I said all what I had to say. Ofcourse this had a risk where his attitude towards me could take a turn for the worse later. But I didn't have anything to lose.

So we talked.

But nothing changed. It's still the same.

I’m done being angry. I’m done being depressed. I’m just way too sad and really wanted to get it out of my system. I wish I came from a super rich family or I wish I had my dad.. then I wouldn’t be here right now. I could’ve moved or quit and stayed at home. It’s not trying to find the easy way out of life.. it’s just not having to face these kind of shitty situations when you don’t deserve them.

This job hasn’t even offered any increments or promotions either, which is another reason to feel this way. When I think of all I’ve put into work.. the sacrifices.. the scoldings I go through for late night working, non of this seems right or worth it..

Then on a different note, I loved the teaser campaign of Etisalat. Some of their innovations were quite clutter breaking and good. Whenever I see them, it makes me remember my dad more and more. When we were abroad, he worked for Etisalat. I’ve mentioned he was a Senior Telecom Engineer. He worked there for almost 30 yrs. As far as I remember, it was a really good company and we had awesome benefits and all that.

So yes.. and now I’m only thankful that it’s half day today. Unfortunately, our A/Cs are not working and I really cannot take this suffocation anymore. I hope the A/Cs get fixed soooooooon!!

Have a fabulous weekend y’all..

Girl time

Y-day 3 of my colleagues and I decided on an outing which involved food and Galle Face.

I was told about Burger's King in Slave Island and when I heard about how good the food was, I was dying to go. But as usual, work stopped me from going there all these months.

So finally, 4 of us girls, buckled up and went to said joint, ordered huge succulent sausages along with Shawarmas and enjoyed them in Galle Face. It's been years since I went there... and as usual, parking was a problem.

So I managed to smile and do the whole dumb blonde part and get a cop to help us find a nice parking spot.. and we kept thanking him which made him smile over and over..:)

Took the food to Galle Face and whacked them like pigs who hadn't eaten in months. What was funny is the people around who kept looking at us, at the sounds we made while taking the initial bites and enjoying.. the food orgasms are not describable.

It was a lovely evening out... with the nice breeze, happy people and lovely dogs all over Galle Face...

Cute children and kites...

And I felt good. really good.

If you guys haven't tried out Burger's King, you simply MUST!

The Big Win - 2009

So I took part in this industry competition today.. It was bloody hard and stressful...and no, that's not what I won.

What really makes my day is this win.

The 2009 Lankanosphere Awards - Ze Big One - Blog Of The Year 2009


I got a text from DQ about this win and I was overjoyed... I kept saying 'OMG OMG OMG' and jumping in the midst of about 15 people who were wondering what was wrong with me...

I'm just way too happy right now.. It's like getting an award for living my life..:)

The proposal

Last night I was doing some work and getting myself ready for this competition tomorrow. really tensed and nervous about it....coz I'm REALLY NOT prepared and this was an all of a sudden thing..:S

So.. anyway..

My mum walks into my room and gives me a piece of paper with a name on it and said "Check him out on Facebook".

Me : What?

Mum : Go to Facebook and see what he's like.

Me : Why? and when did you start talking about FB?

Mum : It's a proposal and for the last 4 yrs you've been pushing away everything that came your way. High time you realised you're getting older and settle down child.

Me : sigh

Mum : Pls, just check it out and let me know.

Me : grrr....


So now mum actually talks about Facebook. And no,I haven't checked him out yet! In case you were wondering..:P

The little gift

My mum isn't really in favour of me having drinks much. But once in a while she's ok.

She knows how much of stress I've been going through the last few months and even now due to work.

One of my neighbours went abroad a few weeks ago and when she was coming back my mum had told her to bring something.

It was a bottle of white wine.

She gave it to me a week ago and said she sees how hard I work, how tired I'm all the time and how I never had a break and gave it to me.

A simple gesture. Something that made a difference for a moment.

It's not the bottle I want to emphasize here. It's the simple gesture.

Felt nice. Coz these don't come too often at my residence.:)

The palm reader

My family used to go to a palm reader who was very qualified and good with predictions. But then he died sometime last year. Since I was born abroad, not many people are good with reading my horoscope. Palm does turn out to be somewhat accurate.

So I was given a contact by a friend to check out a palm reader. Passed the info to mum who made appointments and since I found myself to be free after a really long time today, we went.

The palm reader inked my hand, like they all do, took prints and read.

He was not too bad. Said a lot of stuff that were true and got he confused when I lied about one thing. Which is about the guy who is reflected in the post below. He told me this guy's characteristics and said NEVER to go for it.... :S and that it will only ruin me... and he was right.

So moving on, he was right about my mentality, work situation, lifestyle and alot of things. He predicted sicknesses and all that...

Lets hope all the good predictions come true..:)

Then when he checked my mum's..he told her that she appears to be very loud and always wanting to taking control of everything.

I couldn't stop smiling wide.

He then told her to stop worrying all the time and to give us some space...

Then what did she tell him? That she only wants me to get married soon! :S


Mothers. And the difficulty of being a daughter at times I tell ya.


So now she's too busy thinking about the medical conditions he predicted for her.

The silent scream

Drowning in pain
The sun shines no more
The darkness is overwhelming
Taking light away from my sphere

The dagger digs deeper into my skin
Causing the wound to hurt even more
Blinding me with pain that never seems to ease
Then makes me numb and stare into open space

The feeling gets buried sometimes by day
Leaving me to drift into my world of work
Then suddenly it comes to surface so unexpectedly, so harsh
It then never leaves, no matter how hard I try

I sit and wonder why I still feel this buried pain
Knowing I never deserved it and had no price to pay
Why must this pain kill me over and over again
Let me see the sunshine that I once felt on my face



Just having a few bad days... that pain does come to surface on and off...and when it does, it can be hard to handle...so this is just me writing..to ease myself a little..

Now, back to work.