Big mistake & a deep thought

Remember how much I've been wanting to get a small tattoo done? Also, remember my mum gave me permission for one?

Well, a friend in office was going to get one of hers extended and I told my mum I was joining her... and this my dear readers was a big mistake I did coz she blasted me like never before and told me to forget about tattoos coz she's trying to get me settled and all I can think of is tattoos! She also went on to say that I've changed and that I need to forget about these things and she also said she will punish me for the rest of my life if I ever get a tattoo done....

Tattoos are apparently only for 'rasthiyadu karayas' and not decent girls!

I told her I'll get a small one done and it'll be around my hip or the back of my neck where it won't be seen... She didn't react very well to this either..

So now, I'm stuck in a 'over my dead body situation' and it ain't pleasant. Somehow, according to her, I'm being influenced by a bad set of friends and she wants me to get my head straight.

So there goes that. I feel like a school child who's being kept in her place by the strict mother who carries a cane around with her waiting to whip me everytime I do something naughty. What the hell man! I'm 26 for crying out loud!

Anyways... I was pretty upset.. but then I realised she's old fashioned and conservative and nothing will change that. I can't make her understand either coz obviously she won't get it... and well, it'll be a waste of my time...

So there goes that.


On a different note:

I just discovered that blogger has some awesome new templates! I'm going to try a few every month.. if time permits that is..:)



Also, last night I had a moment of realisation and something deep to ponder about. I was thinking about my dad... and what it is that I'm really missing in my life right now that I'm trying not to face and leave buried so it wouldn't hurt too much.

I was thinking about how I felt when I had my dad around and how I felt when I had male companionship which came with love, compassion and a strong sense of dependence in a good way.

The bond we create or get with a man, be it a father, brother or boyfriend gives you this strong feeling of being held close all the time and there is a sense of assurance that there is someone strong who will be there for you and watch out for you... someone who is just a call away and ready to catch you when you fall and help you get back on your feet... someone who is there as the stronger force who is able to give you what you need and give you that push you need..

I don't know how to exactly put this into words... it's like that strong invisible hand that keeps your back straight and makes you walk with your head up high... and its someone who is there to embrace you every moment of the way.

I always got this from my father and no one else. It was only when he was gone that I realised this and came to look for it outside in subtle ways.. Then came two guys who I thought would help in some way but both only resulted in me being used and trampled on, that it just broke my soul..

This then resulted in me looking away coz I couldn't bear to try once more...afraid of being hurt again coz that is not what I give myself for... True it makes us stronger, better and wiser people in the longrun.. but the scars never heal completely.

So that's why the empty space still exists... I'm afraid to fill it in anyway... even if opportunity does come... coz the outcome has never been pleasant before... This makes me very sad and feel like I'm stranded all by myself on a little island.. and I'm afraid... yes I'm.

Beauty they say is skin deep - a saying most women love, but not many men take to heart... and neither does my mother.



That was a very difficult post to type.