Cim results and a great day!!

It's been a great start..and a great day..:) Two reasons....

(1) I got my CIM results just a few hours ago.... since I've been out on work, I got a friend to check mine... and all I remember is my friend screaming out saying that I passed!!!! I'm over the moon and the sun right now.. I'm sooooo happppyyyyyyyy!!! I'm DONE WITH CIM!!!!! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayy!! What matters most to me is that I passed in the midst of feeling so down and all...

Then I realised, this connects to the dream I saw here. Results came in Feb.. and convocation is in June..:) How cool is that,huh?

(2) We were doing a huge campaign for a client and the tvc got approved without a single change!! yaaaaaaaaaay!!!:) It's such a great feeling to get so much of praise and comments!! :)

It's a great day and I want this feeling to last for a long time..:)

Appreciated..and praised

To be appreciated and praised is definitely a great feeling.... perhaps the only thing that made my day today.... and I hope this feeling would last a while longer than sink into the rest of me and get lost..

So the big boss called me into his office early this morning and asked me to sit. He's very fun and jovial, so I asked if I was fired...to which he replied "almost" and laughed..:)

He said he had good things to tell me....gave me a letter which states nice things about my work...

But you know what really felt good? To hear him say things like...... the fact that the clients I work with have told him they like me and the way I work... and for most, it's the first time this has happened as others haven't been liked and have always had problems....

The letter says the clients are delighted to work with me.. and he told me to keep going the way I do.. and that he loves what he sees me do...

That felt so good... I felt appreciated..... liked.... and he made me feel that I'm much more than I think I'm... and it felt good...really good... but the feeling is just dying now..:(

And I hope I don't get jinxed now..*touchwood*..:D
I had to say this.. as I can't think of anything else that sounds happy to post...

Change of icon

I'm not really in the mood to blog about anything just yet.... I have had a few things running through my mind... but not in a position to exactly put them into words...

BUT

I do have a change of icons..:) I'm no designer... I ain't creative either... Maybe I can give ideas... but I can't even draw a freaking circle properly! My dearest darling friend Thax is the one who drew the existing icon which I had.... Which was :














Then, out of the blue, he mailed me a few weeks ago and said that he noticed I'm still using the icon he made for me ages ago and so took time to make a new one for me..:) Isn't that so very sweeeeeet? He has helped me alot..:) We have bragged to each other about problems.. I've listened to him and in the midst of all his work and assignments and exams, he actually listens to me too..:) and so...LD now has a new icon which I'll be using here onwards!!!:) Thank you so much Thax...:) *big hug*

Here it is:

Walk in my shoes...

Walk in my shoes... and see how it feels...be me in my shoes...and look at yourself through my eyes...then remove them…and cast them away... so I can walk barefoot...as the pain has made me numb again...

The pain may get worst... but it doesn’t make a difference anymore... so let the pain find it’s way in...and I will still try to keep walking with the numbness...with the hope that it will fade one day...

I will pray on bended knees ... and with clasped hands I will worship...and beg that I should never feel all this again...

A sad world

A fountain of tears overflowing...

The ocean of sadness making waves...

A river of emotions flowing away...

The grey skies stay gloomy and dark...

A volcano of depression erupts unexpectedly...

The winds of change don't seem to blow...

They all make the storm that has arisen...

This is what my world feels like at this very moment...

Little broken pieces

Have you ever had this feeling, where you’ve been feeling strange and know that you’ll be hearing something hurtful? Knowing that something’s not going to be right and that your world will be pulled down again? I did and didn’t want to believe it at first…until a few mins ago…

This guy I’ve written day and night about…..(If I were to make references, it would be way too many)... is a part of an online community… I think I mentioned this before too… I don’t visit his pages anymore as I wanted to be away from it all and help myself. But a little while ago, I was going through my web history and found a link to his page… I clicked and thought I’ll just check it and it was the most disastrous mistake I’ve done in a long time….

He had written a few journal entries…. And one states that he is to be married soon…. How I wish I never clicked on that link.. how I wish I never went into it and read about it….

I’m not selfish.. I do not wish for anything to go wrong.. I’m not feeling sorry for myself…. It just hurts… like I broke yet again into a million little pieces…. The world that keeps moving stopped for a while… and I could not move.

I’m wondering why this has to happen to me.. and why I feel this way… perhaps I do feel sorry for myself…and wish things were different…. And wish I never got to know him… and let him do all what he did… If only I never gave in and did so much…. If only…. If only…

I wish I could go home, but I’ve way too much of work that I can’t abandon….. feel so bruised…and hurt… and strangely extremely painful…..and I shouldn’t be this way….but why does it feel this way?

I feel like I’m broken once again…into tiny untraceable broken little pieces…

Evil conversation

There’s a friend.. a very spoilt person..takes men for granted and now out of a relationship. She expects men to fall at her feet and do as she says. Some how this guy has not treated her right and since he moved on, she’s upset coz she’s alone and having a hard time dealing with the fact that this guy moved on and she doesn’t have anyone.. So I’ve been telling her things and trying to make her feel better, although I know she’s at fault….she’s still a friend.. She’s in Aussie and this was a msn chat.

Friend : LD, I’m so angry!! I hate him. I want him to suffer.
LD: Don’t talk like that. You can curse and say all the things you want, but nothing will happen.
Friend : really? How come?
LD : Because when you have all these negative thoughts, it will only harm you and not anyone else. You know it’s your fault too. Just let it go. If he did anything bad, it’ll find its way back to him. Just leave it and let’s get you moving on.
Friend : No, I want that bastard to suffer. He’s so happy and I can’t stand it!
LD : Come on, how can you say that? You went out with that guy for a while damnit! How can you say something like this!
Friend : I just hate him now coz he’s happy and I’m not.
LD : Just let him be… we’ll get you feeling better.
Friend : Don’t you hate and curse that guy you told me about LD?
LD : Nope.
Friend : Really? Why not?
LD : It’s not going to help me or him. I really cared and if non of it was good enough or whatever, what can I do? Things have a way of going around. I’m just trying to help myself out of this thing… that’s all I can do.
Friend : hmmm…. Why are you so nice? You should be hating him!
LD : Well I don’t! Come on, leave it. Don’t have all these wicked thoughts woman! It’s not healthy. Why not join a yoga class? Or swim more often? Pray a little? Meet my cousin and hang out with his friends if you need company. I’ll tell him to check on you and help you out.
Friend : Yea, I was going to do that. Thanks LD. I feel better after talking to you.
LD : I gotta go now. Catch you later k and NO cursing!


How can women be so wicked? It’s sad….how come people can be so…selfish…self-centered… and so evil.

Unbelievable work week!

I’ve been away from the blogshere this week….Why?

Coz my other team mate is away for a week on work… and he hasn’t done some of his pending work… nor briefed anyone about it..but told everyone else to contact me should they want anything.. so I'm just swamped with everything...

I’ve been unbelievably flooded with work… haven’t been eating…. Been in office from early morning till late night… and when doing his work, I need to make sure my work load doesn’t get affected.. and that team member never even bothered to call and see if everything was alright!

So on Tuesday, after a really bad day at work, I txted him in the night… a long txt explaining the things that happened and ended it saying that I’m keeping him posted since he never bothered to ask. I’ve never spoken to anyone in this manner but I really couldn’t help it.

To this I get a sweet reply saying he’s sorry and took it for granted that I’d handle it all.. He apologised a lot and said I should call him if there’s anything. What’s the point? He ain’t coming..

GAH!

Anyways, other than that… I’m still living… but it’s also a good thing coz the big boss sees that I’m doing a lot and somehow at the end of the day I feel to utilised (more like over-utilised) and satisfied that I haven’t wasted a single minute of the day and kept working to make sure my responsibilities were fulfilled.:)

Other than that, I’m waiting for the weekend to take a break! I need to sit still and breathe!

I’m still angry though.. and it is frustrating… so other than complaining, I offered a solution to this problem and got the boss to let me have another person help me with the work..:)

So I’m alright I guess.

Sigh. Ok, I’ve to go now.. shit load to do..yet again! I just hope other people don’t face these things like this… this is what happens when you’re nice.. you’re taken for granted.. but I still can’t help it.. and I just can’t change..:(

Commercial shoot - weekend and pics

I've been out on a commercial shoot the entire long weekend and it was a good experience.... It was filled with fun, exhaustion, humour, a bit of misery and all in all it was pretty good!! It was good to be away from everything and get involved in something that kept me occupied... Also managed to take my cam and take pics here and there... and now I'm too exhausted to blog but here are some pics I took... I'm beginning to love photography! If only I had a good cam and a way to learn!


Waturagama - This was in the house where the first shoot happened.. An interesting room which was used by the hairdresser and make-up artist to prepare the models!:)


















Beach - Kosgoda
















Kosgoda















Sunset - Kosgoda















Little Peter rabbit (named by me) at Garden Beach hotel in Kosgoda















Somewhere inbetween Koggala and Ahangama..
















The shoot - somewhere inbetween Koggala and Ahangama















Somewhere inbetween Koggala and Ahangama
















Somewhere inbetween Koggala and Ahangama.. lovely spot for snorkeling too
















Stilt fisherman - Somewhere inbetween Koggala and Ahangama

















Somewhere inbetween Koggala and Ahangama - little talkative girl meddling with a mobile phone.

















Stilts - Ahangama














Stilt fishermen - Ahangama
















Stilt fishermen - Ahangama

It freaking hurts!!

*oouuucccchhhh*

It freaking hurts! Woke up this morning with this baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad pain in both my upper and lower jaw on the left side. It just hurts so much... Those wisdom teeth are popping a little again.. why can't they just come at once!?!?! and it's been a long time... sigh!

I can't even chew any gum.... which is a bad habit I have... and it hurts to even talk... arghh!!

I'm in the 'i miss things' mood again... sigh... still surprisingly sick... got a cough.. phlegm... and my throat still hurts a bit after two different batches of medication as well! so weird...

I so miss :

My life the way it used to be
True happiness
Fulfillment
Being there for him
Having a father-daughter relationship....my dad
Having someone to just talk to endlessly
Writing happy things the way I used to
My cousin bro who’s now studying abroad – the closest family I have in my life now.
My old self
My optimism at times
True job satisfaction
Self development
Something and I’m not sure what it is.
A lot of things…… way too much… and writing it makes me feel sad.. so perhaps I should stop.


and the jaws still hurt! aaaarrrrggghhh!

To dearest Dee

A great jog last evening....

Followed by chocolate chip cake and a mocha frappe....

With great news about job changes....

I wish you all the best for the forthcoming developments.... :)

Lets celebrate in style sometime... and why do I take this time to wish you all the best? Coz in such little time, we've become good friends... found a rare connection you don't get with a lot people... and it's great to have you around girlie!!:)

All the best... hoping to hear more and more great news...

Loads of love, huggies and kisses...
Moi! :)

I'm really very happy for you Dee..:)
Mwah!

The listener

Yesterday I met up with a friend I met with in my CIM class. She’s in her mid 30’s, very pretty, and just back from a great vacation and had brought me Aussie Cadbury which I absolutely love.

So I took her for lunch after my Sunday morning yoga lesson and she said she wanted to talk to me about something. We’re not exactly very close but friends who keep in touch. She said she wanted to open up to me about her life story and no one except her family, a few relations and best friend knows about it.

I wasn’t sure what to think of it but I listened. The entire lunch time was dedicated to her. I listened patiently to her as she went on about her marriage and divorce. She tells everyone she’s single as she doesn’t not want to arouse her memories and she also doesn’t want people taking advantage of her.

She’s a woman who was brought up by a great and wealthy family. Both her parents died when she and her only younger sister were in their late teens. They had a family business. A cousin brother who was quite older to her, a marine engineer by profession, came after the property and business and she was pressurized into marrying him.

Since she also had to take care of her sister, she agreed. She managed living through hell for 4 yrs. She was married to an alcoholic. She told me that people with addictions never change no matter how much they say they will. He ill-treated her. He wasted all their money and sold the business and had a ball of a time. She even attempted suicide once where she took too many sleeping pills. But she was saved.

Then one day, she sat with him and told him that this wasn’t going to work, and that they should mutually separate. He agreed half-heartedly. She said she didn’t want any compensation. He didn’t want to give any either. But he had asked her what she would do later on, to which she replied saying she would find a job. He had laughed at this and said “the only job you can find is to clean the roads!”.

This hurt her a lot and gave her lot of courage too. That was the day she decided what she would do with her life. She was partly CIMA or CIM qualified and she got a good job. They eventually separated. It’s been a long time and they hadn’t met.

But 5 yrs later, she met him somewhere and figured that he was doing really badly. He had re-married and had a kid. She on the other hand is still single and her sister and aunts are looking for a good guy for her. All his relations know the truth and feel terrible. But this guy is paying for all he has done. Bad luck and destruction is unveiling on him one by one. She feels relieved to know this and it’s very natural to feel that way.

Today she feels more free. I could sense her relief as she talked and talked endlessly while I listened. I still don’t know what made her open up to me so much. Like, I’ve mentioned before, I’m always the listener, hardly the talker. I always sense the relief in the talkers when they’re done.

I txted her saying that I respect her and care for her more now and that I will always be around. She may be around 10 yrs older to me, but she’s a lovely person. I know it touched her even more to hear that from me.

Sometimes I think, maybe I want to do that too. Pick a stranger from the street who speaks English, just sit and talk and talk and let all this pent up feelings and emotions out and walk away. Maybe I need to be a talker and stir those emotions a bit and let them out. It might be really hard. But if I did it with someone who barely knew me, it would be much easier to be myself and say it all. It could be someone in person, or someone online….Maybe I should be the talker for a change without just a listener or a writer.

We meet people from different walks of life, people with problems in varying degrees struggling to fight the battles of their lives. Some just want to share these battles with others. We all have tough times. But in reality, one’s battles cannot be compared to another’s. Our battles are tough to ourselves. All we know is that we’re not alone. But we’re certainly different. Each life has a story of its own. What I learnt best is that the greatest feeling arises when we’re loved and cared for our flaws as well. That’s where a true connection begins. True acceptance can do wonders. But this is also rare to find. But I hope that everyone who hasn’t found it yet, finds it, including me someday.